[Homer's TV interview]
Homer: Somebody had to take the babysitter home. Then I noticed she was sitting on
Homer: sweet can.
Homer: I grab
Homer: sweet can.
Homer: Oh, just thinking about
Homer: can. I just wish I had
Homer: her sweet, sweet, s-s-sweet can.
Homer: So, a graduate student, huh? How come they can send a man to the moon but can't make my shoes smell good?
Ashley Grant: I'm sorry?
Homer: Ah, nobody's blamin' you.
Anchorman: Simpson scandal update: Homer sleeps nude in an oxygen tent which he believes gives him sexual powers!
Homer: HEY! That's a half-truth!
Kent Brockman: [Voicing over a frontal shot of the Simpsons' home, during a news broadcast] Of course, there's no way to see into the Simpson home without some kind of infrared heat-sensitive camera. So let's turn it on!
[Shot suddenly changes to an xray-like image of the house, with two distinct orange heat sources. One is the entire Simpson family, including Homer, sitting on the couch, the other is a turkey-shaped silhouette rotating in the oven]
Kent Brockman: Now, this technology is new to me, but I'm pretty sure that's Homer Simpson in the oven, rotating slowly.
[Camera zooms in for a clear shot of the turkey]
Kent Brockman: His body temperature has risen to over 400 degrees - he's literally stewing in his own juices.
Homer: [being hassled by protesters] You people can't stop me from living my life.
[the protesters follow Homer all the way to work]
Woman Rocking Homer: We're not crazy about nuclear power either.
Smithers: You people aren't allowed in here.
[the protesters stop hassling Homer for a moment]
Homer: No, it's OK, they're with me.
[Smithers leaves and the protesters resume hassling Homer]
Marge: Homer, hasn't this experience taught you that you can't believe everything you hear?
Homer: Marge, my friend, I haven't learned a thing.
Bart Simpson: Why would anybody want to touch a girl's butt? That's where cooties come from!
Homer: Hello. I am Homer Simpson. Or as some of you wags have dubbed me, Father Goose.
Dennis Franz: [portraying Homer in a made-for-TV movie] Now I'm gonna get me some SWEET!
Bart Simpson: So, you're one of those "don't-call-me-a-chick" chicks?
Kent Brockman: [Voicing-over an aerial shot of the Simpsons' home, during a news broadcast] This is hour 57 of our live, round-the-clock coverage outside the Simpson estate. Remember, by the way, to tune in at eight o'clock for highlights of today's vigil, including when the garbage man came, and when Marge Simpson put the cat out... possibly because it was harassed, we don't know.
Kent Brockman: [Rounding out a news story on Homer's sexual harassment scandal] Now, here are some results from our phone-in poll: 95% of people believe Homer Simpson is guilty. Of course, this is just a television poll which is not legally binding. Unless proposition 304 passes, and we all pray it will.