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"The Simpsons" Home Sweet Home-Diddily-Dum-Doodily (TV Episode 1995) Poster

Quotes

[Homer dials the Flanders', who have taken his kids into foster care]

Voice on Phone: The number you have dialed can no longer be reached on this phone. You negligent monster.

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Goodman: Stupid babies require the most attention.

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Bart: Wow Dad, you took a baptismal for me. How do you feel?

Homer: Oh Bartholomew, I feel like St. Augustine of Hippo after his conversion by Ambrose of Milan.

Ned Flanders: Wait! Homer, what did you just say?

Homer: I said shut your ugly face, Flanders!

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Homer: All right, to find Flanders, I just have to think like Flanders.

Homer's Brain: I'm a big four-eyed lame-o. And I wear the same stupid sweater every day...

Homer: The Springfield River!

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Reverend Lovejoy: Ned, have you considered any of the other major religions? They're all pretty much the same.

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[Homer and Marge are relaxing in a sauna]

Marge Simpson: This is so relaxing. Homie, this was a wonderful idea.

Homer: [chuckling] Yeah. If that mafia guy weren't staring at us, I'd take off my towel.

Don Vittorio: Oh, don't mind me. Look, I do it first!

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[the "Family Skills" course is almost over, and the agent is testing Homer and Cletus]

Goodman: OK, let's see if we've learned anything. I want you two to simulate a typical household problem. Go.

Cletus: Uh, Pa, I cut my finger on the screen door again.

Homer: [as he strangles Cletus] Why you cotton-pickin...

[the class looks critically at Homer]

Homer: [to himself] No, I gotta pass this class for my kids.

[to Cletus]

Homer: Son, let's stop the fussin' and the feudin'.

Cletus: I love you, Pa!

[then sobs]

Homer: I love you, Cletus!

[then sobs too]

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Ned Flanders: Until this, I never thought Homer and Marge were bad parents, but now I know you kids need a less hellbound family!

Maude Flanders: Just sit back, and before you know it, you'll be part of the Flanders flock.

Bart: Ha ha! You're going to be Lisa Flanders!

Lisa Simpson: You're going to be "Bart" Flanders.

[Bart screams]

Maude Flanders: Oh, relax, Bart. Your sister Maggie isn't scared.

Bart: That's because she can't talk.

Maggie Simpson: [as she pulls her pacifier out] Daddily doodily!

[Maggie then turns her head around and looks at Bart and Lisa]

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[as the Simpson family, who are finally together again, are about to leave the Springfield river]

Marge Simpson: So what was it like at the Flanders' house?

Homer: Yeah, gimme all the dirt.

Lisa Simpson: Let's see. Dirt... dirt... well, there wasn't really much dirt.

Bart: There was a bunch of old paint cans in the garage, though.

Homer: [laughs scoffingly] Old painty-can Ned.

[the family also laugh]

Homer: I always knew he'd keep his old cans of paint!

Marge Simpson: How do you like that!

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Child Welfare Agent: Children, where are your parents?

Lisa Simpson: I don't know, but they should be here.

Goodman: Yes, they should be here. Tsk, tsk. Those parents better have a good excuse.

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[Skinner watches as Willie burns Bart's lice-infested clothes]

Groundskeeper Willie: See you in hell, you wingless bloodsuckers!

Principal Skinner: What kind of parents would permit such a lapse in scalpal hygiene?

Groundskeeper Willie: Well, you better check out his sister. She could be rife with them bugs too!

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[on Bart and Lisa receiving lice]

Principal Skinner: Sweet Georgia Brown! Something is rotten at the Simpson house.

[he dials a phone number, and a minute later, a van from the Springfield child protection agency speeds toward the Simpsons' street]

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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