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(TV Series)

(2002)

Quotes

[the oil rig Homer's working on has caught on fire]

Homer: Oh no. This is how faceless Joe lost his legs.

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Homer Simpson: Oh, no! If Marge marries Artie, I'll never be born.

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Artie Ziff: [on a device to help Marge sleep] He's a loser Marge... dump him!

[sings]

Artie Ziff: Yeah, I traveled the world and the seven seas... I am watching you through a camera!

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Patty: Overnight bag, no husband in sight - it's happened!

Selma: She left Homer? I'll get the champale!

Patty: And let's get that ring off!

Marge Simpson: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Delilah! I didn't leave Homer, and I never will. I just need one night away from his snoring.

Selma: Great - we'll have a girls' night.

Patty: No bras!

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Lisa Simpson: Hey, a helicopter's landing on our lawn.

Bart Simpson: Let's approach with caution!

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Artie Ziff: Tell me, Homer, what's it like being married to Marge?

Homer Simpson: It's like being married to your best friend - who lets you touch her boobies!

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Homer Simpson: This is the perfect job. I'll leave the world the same way I came into it - dirty, screaming and torn away from the woman I love.

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Selma: Let's catch the tail end of Nookie in New York.

Marge Simpson: Nookie in New York?

Patty: It's a cable show about four single women who act like gay men.

Marge Simpson: That sounds great!

Miranda: [Marge, Patty and Selma turn on "Nookie in New York"] If I'm not having sex by the end of this goat-cheese quesadilla, I'm going to scream.

Charlotte: I also enjoy sex.

Samantha: Since this morning, I've had sex with a New York Knick, two subway cops, and a guy who works on Wall Street.

Charlotte: Broker?

Carrie: Nah. She's just really sore.

[They all laugh]

Patty: [Back in the apartment] This is so like our lives.

Selma: It's like they hid a camera in our apartment.

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Moe: I can't get Artie out of my head. He's like a spy in the House of Moe.

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Marge Simpson: I knew this weekend was just an excuse to get in my mouth! Keep your money - I'm going home!

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Marge Simpson: I haven't lost so much sleep since little Barty had the scoots.

Dr. Hibbert: Well, there's a surgical option, but it's not cheap.

[Writes something on a slip of paper, and slides it across his desk to Homer]

Dr. Hibbert: Here's what it costs.

Homer Simpson: [Reads paper] Interesting. Here's my counter-offer.

[Writes something on the paper and gives it back to Hibbert]

Dr. Hibbert: [Reads. The note says, "Do it for free"]

[Chuckles, then turns very serious]

Dr. Hibbert: Get out.

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Homer Simpson: Okay, Artie, you get her for the weekend - but no funny stuff. And by "funny stuff" I mean hand-holding, goo-goo eyes, misdirected woo - which is pretty much any John Woo film...

Artie Ziff: Your wife's virtue shall remain as untouched as Bill Gates' weight room.

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Cab Driver: That's nine hundred and twelve dollars.

Marge Simpson: Send the bill to Baron von Kiss-a-lot.

Cab Driver: No problem-o.

[He drives away]

Butler: [the scene cuts to a shot of a Bavarian castle, and then to an aristocratic drawing room. A butler approaches a man seated by a fireplace] This just arrived, Herr Baron.

[Hands him the taxi bill, which he reads]

Baron: [In German accent] Okay, who's the wise guy?

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Marge: Homer, we can't take his money.

Homer: Aww, I can't take his money, I can't print my own money, I have to work for my money. Why don't I just lay down and die.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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