[Writing a food review]
Homer: The bread was... the bread was...
Santa's Little Helper: Ruff.
Homer: You've been pitching that one all night.
Santa's Little Helper: Chewy?
Homer: Well here we are kids... the zoo.
Bart Simpson: That's great dad, except you were supposed to take us to the newspaper.
Marge: Only your father could take a part-time job at a small town paper and wind up the target of international assassins.
Newspaper Tour Guide: And each paper contains a certain percentage of recycled paper.
Lisa: What percentage is that?
Newspaper Tour Guide: Zero. Zero is a percent, isn't it?
Editor: We're looking for a new food critic, someone who doesn't immediately pooh-pooh everything he eats.
Homer: Nah, it usually takes a few hours.
Homer: [singing] I like pizza, I like bagels. I like hot dogs with mustard and beer.
Editor: I get the picture.
Homer: [still singing] I'll eat eggplant, I could even eat a baby deer. La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la!
Izzy: C'Mon. You gonna kill him with a pastry? I've seen this man eat a bowl of change.
Homer: [writing a restaurant review] So come to The Legless Frog, if you want to get sick and die and leave a big garlicky corpse. P.S., parking was ample.
Homer: People will think what I tell them to think when you tell me what to tell them to think.
Marge: You love Shake n' Bake. You used to put it in your coffee.
[while spying on Homer at the food festival]
Captain McCallister: Homer's undone the top button on his pants.
Akira: He's been walking around like that since Thanksgiving.
Captain McCallister: I'm surprised he doesn't just switch to sweat pants.
Akira: He says the crotch wears out too fast.
Captain McCallister: [shudders] That'll replace the whale in my nightmares!