Kent Brockman: [from a TV broadcast] Our top story is the ozone hole that devastated Brazil last summer is apparently wintering in Springfield.
Bart Simpson: Wooh! Springfield rocks!
Kent Brockman: [from a TV broadcast] Residents are advised to stay inside unless you use sunscreen, or are very, very hairy. Experts recommend class nine, or Robin Williams level of hair coverage.
[Lisa has been forced to write on the chalkboard, punishment for doing math in class]
Bart Simpson: [laughs] Lisa in trouble. The ironing is delicious.
Lisa Simpson: The word is irony.
Bart Simpson: Huh?
Lisa Simpson: Don't you think there's something weird going on here? We spent all day selecting fabric swatches and then our guest speaker was Phil, from marketing.
Bart Simpson: All's I know is I'm getting straights A's, and that ain't not bad.
Ralph Wiggum: [playing a doctor in a play] Hello! I'm Dr. Stupid. I'm gonna take out your liver bones!
Principal Skinner: [At a meeting, discussing ways to save the school] Now, people, these are all good ideas...
Marge Simpson: No, they're not! They're terrible, terrible ideas!
[scene starts with Funzo singing, dancing, and playing with Bart]
Bart Simpson: It's always a party with Funzo!
Lisa Simpson: [Lisa walks up] I admit, it's kind of cute. But it'll never take the place of Malibu Stacy.
[Funzo takes the Malibu Stacy doll, breaks it, and throws it in the fire]
Lisa Simpson: AWHH! Did you see that!
Bart Simpson: Yeah! Funzo makes playtime fun!
[Funzo starts choking Bart's Krusty doll]
Bart Simpson: Hey, why is it destroying other toys?
Lisa Simpson: They must have programmed it to eliminate the competition.
Bart Simpson: You mean like Microsoft?
Lisa Simpson: Exactly! Come on Bart, we've gotta warn everyone.
Lisa Simpson: The madness ends here!
Homer Simpson: [laughing at Lisa] Oh man! If I had a nickel for every time I've heard that...
Funzo: [Homer has just chucked a bunch of Funzos in to a fire, to destroy them] I'm very mad at 'ou!
[Fanzo threw a Barbie in the fire and strangled a Krusty toy]
Bart: Why is it destroying other toys?
Lisa: It must be programmed to do so to eliminate competition.
Bart: You mean like Microsoft?
Dr. Julius Hibbert: How could you close the school?
Marge: What will become of our kids?
Homer Simpson: Where are the refreshments?
Principal Skinner: Now, you keep asking me that and I keep telling you, over there!
Homer Simpson: So, who am I beating up?
Lisa Simpson: Nobody. You're just gonna break into everyone's house and steal their favorite toy.
Bart Simpson: Thus saving Christmas.
Homer Simpson: Now, let's see... this'll make three Christmases I saved versus eight I ruined... two were kind of a draw...