- Homer: [drunk; seeing a dragon out of a plane] I'll give you one!
- Dragons: Oh, you are a VERY greedy man. The other dragons will hear of this!
- Homer: Hey dragon! You fly like a girl!
- Selma: Homer, when we get to China. I need you to do me a favor.
- Homer: Anything for you, oh wise mountain ape.
- Selma: [sighs] You have to pretend to be my husband.
- Homer: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
- Dragons: That's him. The man who broke a dragon's heart.
- Dragons: [in Chinese opera singing voice] The man who broke a dragon's heart.
- Madam Wu: Lisa, soon you will have a Chinese baby sister who will surpass you academically.
- Lisa Simpson: I don't know about that. I'm considered pretty smart.
- Madam Wu: Well, Tibet was considered pretty independent. How'd that work out?
- Dragons: [the Simpsons are leaving China on a boat] American jerks are going home. Now we sleep for a thousand years. When we wake, the world will end.
- Chinese Dragon: [singing] American jerks are going home! / Now we sleep for a thousand years! / When we wake, the world will end!
- Homer: And this is Marge, our surprisingly hot nanny.
- Marge Simpson: [giggles] Why, thank you, Mr. Simpson
- Homer: Don't mention it, Ms... October. But don't look at her passport, it's different!