- Homer Simpson, David Byrne: [singing] He's your peppy, perky, nightmare neighborino!
- Homer Simpson: If you despise polite lefthanders...
- Ned Flanders: [singing along] Then I doubt you'll like Ned Flanders, or his creepy little offspring Rod and Todd.
- Rod Flanders: That's us.
- Todd Flanders: Hooray!
- David Byrne: Can you drive me to the hospital?
- Moe Szyslak: Sure I can.
- [drives right past the hospital]
- Moe Szyslak: Hey, you ever seen Misery?
- David Byrne: No.
- Moe Szyslak: Then this will all be new to you.
- [ominous music starts playing]
- Indian Chief: Drink deep from these cups. The bear urine will make you strong.
- [Homer and Bart stop drinking]
- Indian Chief: Actually, it's Fresca.
- Homer Simpson: [Homer does a spit take] Fresca?
- Clara: You know, there are more important things in this world than boys. And when...
- [sees Bart]
- Clara: Hello, handsome!
- Bart Simpson: What's up, cootie breath?
- Marge Simpson: Lisa, welcome to love. It's full of doubt and pain and uncertainty. But then one day, you find a man you love so much, it hurts.
- Homer Simpson: [angry] Who is he?
- Marge Simpson: You, Homie.
- Homer Simpson: Whoo-hoo! In your face, imaginary guy!
- Rich Texan: I have some sad news for y'all. After this dance, I'm heading to jail. One of my stray bullets hit a Texas Ranger. But I'll be back in six months. Yee-haw!
- [fires his guns in excitement, still not learning his lesson]
- Rich Texan: Blanks. They just don't feel the same.
- Lisa Simpson: [approaching the river Homer and Bart freed earlier] So I sent Luke's sister down the wrong trail and... Hey, where did all this water come from? There used to be a trail here. And there used to be a beaver dam there.
- Bart Simpson: Who are you, the "used to" police? Unh! Unh!