Ralph Wiggum: And I want a bike, and a monkey, and a friend for the monkey...
Hosey the Bear: You're not going to set any fires, are ya?
Ralph Wiggum: At my house, we call them uh-ohs.
Principal Skinner: I'm afraid I'll have to expel your son
Marge Simpson: [gasps]
Principal Skinner: Unless you're willing to try a radical, untested, potentially dangerous...
Homer Simpson: Candy bar?
Principal Skinner: No. It's a new drug called Focusyn.
Marge Simpson: A drug? I know Bart can be rambunctious, but he's not some hyperactive monster.
[Bart appears outside the window, dressed as a cheerleader]
Bart Simpson: Gimme an F! Gimme an art!
Principal Skinner: Good Lord! He's gotten into the pep closet!
Homer Simpson: I'd say he's coming out of the pep closet.
Bart Simpson: I don't wanna take drugs.
Homer Simpson: Sure you do. All your favorite stars have used drugs. Brett Butler, Tim Allen...
Marge Simpson: Tommy Lee...
Homer Simpson: Andy Dick...
Bart Simpson: He's just flamboyant.
Homer Simpson: Yeah, and I'm a size four.
Marge Simpson: Hmm?
[reads a note taped to her chair]
Marge Simpson: "Thank you in advance for a world class meal. You're an inspiration to our entire organization. Thank you again, Bart." Oh, what a thoughtful gesture.
Bart Simpson: Cost of paper: five cents. A mother's love: priceless.
Marge Simpson: Aw.
Homer Simpson: Do I get a card?
Bart Simpson: No, but here's a book called "Chicken Soup for the Loser" that gave Bill Bruckner the courage to open a chain of laundromats.
Homer Simpson: Hmmm... my career has kind of lost momentum.
Bart Simpson: Joke if you will, but did you know most people use ten per cent of their brains? I am now one of them. Before, my energy was all over the place. Now, it's concentrated like a laser beam. Well, this has been terrific. Let's do it again sometime.
Lisa Simpson: Are you standing up to get me to leave?
Bart Simpson: It's from the book.
Lisa Simpson: [scans the book, "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pre-Teens"] Hey! I'm not a Time Burglar!
Bart Simpson: [opens electronic organizer, types as he speaks] Memo to self: Lock door.
Lisa Simpson: All right, I'll go! You don't have to be a jerk about it.
Bart Simpson: [typing again] Memo to self: Shut up, Lisa.
Marge Simpson: Bart's so well-behaved now. Maybe you and I can have a night out.
Homer Simpson: Ooh! Let's go to the water park! My ten-year ban ended yesterday.
Marge Simpson: I was thking of something a little more... adult.
Homer Simpson: Oh, Marge!
Marge Simpson: And then afterwards...
[whispers some more]
Homer Simpson: Hee-hee, hee-hee! Really? With butterscotch on it?
Marge Simpson: I think you misheard me.
Comic Book Guy: Egad! A maniac cutting a swath of destruction! This is a job for the Green Lantern, Thundra, or possibleeee... Ghost Rider
Otto: What about Superman?
Comic Book Guy: Oh, please.
Principal Skinner: Thank you for coming.
Homer Simpson: Thank you for getting me out of work.
Bart: Here Homer I got you this book "Chicken Soup for the Loser".
Homer: Hmmm is it any good?
Bart: I don't know but it inspired Bill Buckner to open a chain of Laundromats.
Lisa: I'm so glad you're home. Bart's acting funny.
Homer: "Ray J" funny or "O.J." funny?
[Bart is about to destroy the school with a tank]
Edna Krabappel: [monotonous and indifferent] No, stop, think of the children.
Principal Seymour: Fire can be our friend; whether it's toasting marshmellows, or raining down on Charlie.