Samantha Stanky: How will we know when we fall in love?
Mrs. Krabappel: Oh, don't worry children. Most of you will *never* fall in love, but will marry out of fear of dying alone!
[Homer listened to an audio cassette that promised "Lose weight while you sleep", but instead he got a vocabulary builder.]
Marge Simpson: Has that cassette helped reduce your appetite?
Homer Simpson: Lamentably, no. My gastronomic rapacity knows no satiety.
Milhouse: How could this have happened? We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but instead it ended in tragedy.
Milhouse: Bart, I don't want you to see me cry.
Bart: Aw come on, I've seen you cry a million times. You cry when you scrape your knee, you cry when we're out of chocolate milk, you cry when you're doing long division and you have a remainder left over.
Milhouse: Well, I didn't want you to see me cry THIS time.
[after watching a film on sex education]
Bart: How would I go about creating a half-man, half-monkey-type creature?
Mrs. Krabappel: I'm sorry, that would be playing God.
Bart: God-schmod, I want my monkey man.
Bart: [trying out Milhouse's new 8-Ball] Will I pass my test today. "Outlook not so good." Hey, it does work!
Milhouse: Let me try! Will I get beat up today? "All signs point to yes."
Nelson Muntz: That ball knows everything!
[Hits Milhouse over the head]
[while Milhouse is strangling Bart, Bart gropes around for a weapon, and breaks the magic eight-ball over Milhouse's head]
Bart: Boy, I bet the eight ball didn't see that one coming.
[Marge is told about the various skills taught by the subliminal learning program]
Marge Simpson: Hmm, hostage negotiations...
[She has a daydream of Homer, wearing a bulletproof vest and standing next to a surrounded airplane, speaking through a megaphone]
Homer Simpson: Listen, Tabbouleh, we're ignoring all your demands! What do you say to that?
[a hand comes out with a submachine gun and shoots Homer dead]
Marge Simpson: Better give me the weight loss tape.
[Homer gasping for air due to being so out of shape]
Commercial Announcer: We take eighteen ounces of sizzling ground beef, and soak it in rich, creamery butter, then we top it off with bacon, ham, and a fried egg. We call it "The Good Morning Burger".
[Homer starts gurgling in ecstasy]
Lisa Simpson: Dad, what if I told you that you could lose weight without diet or exercise?
Homer Simpson: I'd call you a lying scumbag, honey. Why?
Milhouse: [re: the magic eight-ball] Hey, Bart. Was this thing right about your test?
Bart: To those of you who doubt the power of the magic eight-ball, I say: behold my "F"!
Mrs. Krabappel: [Mrs. Krabappel's class is watching a sex education video] She's faking.
Lisa: Dad, what would you say if I told you that you can lose weight without dieting?
Homer: I'd say you were a lying scumbag. Why, honey?
Troy McClure: I'm here to provide the facts about sex in a frank and straightforward manner. And now, here's... ''Fuzzy Bunny's Guide To You-Know-What''
Luann Van Houten: Bart, I'm glad you're here. Milhouse could use a friend like you.
[Bart chuckles nervously. Later, up in Milhouse's room]
Bart: Listen, Milhouse, I have something to confess: I'm the one who narked on your kissing.
[He tackles Bart to the floor and starts to throttle him. Milhouse's parents come in]
Luann Van Houten: Milhouse is out of bed and full of beans!
Kirk Van Houten: Whoa, it's a miracle!
[Smiling, they leave and close the door, as Milhouse continues strangling Bart]