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(TV Series)

(1997)

Quotes

Homer Simpson: Good practice, kids. Now it's time for the easiest part of any coach's job. The cuts. Although I wasn't able to cut everyone I wanted to, I have cut a lot of you. Wendell is cut. Rudy is cut. Janey, you're gone. Steven, I like your hustle

[Steven smiles]

Homer Simpson: . That's why it was so hard to cut you

[Steven's smile drops]

Homer Simpson: . Congratulations, the rest of you made the team!

[random sighs of relief]

Homer Simpson: Except you, you and you.

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Homer Simpson: Hey, Apu, you got that new beer with candy floating in it... Skittlebrau?

Apu: No such product exists sir. You must have dreamt it.

Homer Simpson: Well then, just gimme a six pack and a bag of Skittles.

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[as Springfield is beating Arlen 28-3]

Hank Hill: We drove 2,000 miles for this?

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Lisa Simpson: What position have you got for me?

[the kids gasps]

Lisa Simpson: That's right. A girl who wants to play football. How about that?

Ned Flanders: Well, thats super-duper, Lisa. We've already got four girls on the team.

Lisa Simpson: You do?

Ned Flanders: Uh huh. But we'd love to have you on board!

Lisa Simpson: Well... football's not really my thing. After all... what kind of civilized person would play a game with the skin of an innocent pig?

Ned Flanders: Well, actually, Lisa, these balls are synthetic!

Janey Powell: And for every ball you buy, a dollar goes to Amnesty International!

Lisa Simpson: [crying] I've gotta go!

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Ned Flanders: A little higher, Wendell.

[another throw]

Ned Flanders: A lot higher, Martin.

[another throw]

Ned Flanders: Ralph, that's a basketball...

[next throw hits Flanders hard]

Ned Flanders: OK! Nelson's our quarterback.

Nelson Muntz: Thanks, four-eyes.

Ned Flanders: Ralph, you'll be on special teams.

Ralph Wiggum: I'm special!

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Todd Flanders: We don't have to play football, do we, Daddy?1

Ned Flanders: Ho ho ho, you betcha. Team sports will keep you away from temptations like rock music and girls.

Rod FlandersTodd Flanders: Yay!

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Marge Simpson: Now, make no mistake. When I say "first aid" I'm not talking about some sort of... charity rock concert.

[laughs at her own joke]

Marge Simpson: I'm talking about treating serious injuries!

[the crowd laughs loudly]

Krusty: Serious injuries!

[writes it down]

Krusty: Ooh, that's gold!

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Ranier Wolfcastle: [to Uter] What's the matter? You can't do one sit-up?

Uter: I loved your last movie, Mr. Wolfcastle.

Ranier Wolfcastle: Quit stalling, fatty!

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Martin Prince: Hey, Bart. We wear the same underpants!

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Homer: Son, I just want you to know I have total faith in you.

Bart: Since when?

Homer: Since your mother yelled at me.

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Marge Simpson: Wow, Homer coaching in the championship game! You must be pretty proud of your son!

Grampa Simpson: You'd think so, wouldn't you?

[falls asleep]

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Homer Simpson: [Cat Calling] Flaaaaanders! Flaaaaaaanders!

Ned Flanders: [Agitated] What, what is it?

Homer Simpson: Game's out there, ha ha ha made ya look!

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Dr. Hibbert: Well, your cholesterol level is lethally high, Homer, but I'm more concerned about your gravy level.

Homer Simpson: Now, wait a second. You doctors have been telling us to drink eight glasses of gravy a day!

Dr. Hibbert: [laughs] Well, you're a little confused.

Homer Simpson: Oh, confused, would we?

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Homer Simpson: Hey, Flanders, you're the worst coach this team has ever had!

Marge Simpson: He's the only coach this team has ever had. And the season hasn't even started yet.

Homer Simpson: Yeah, well, he's... wearing that hat like an idiot.

Marge Simpson: You know, Homer, it's very easy to criticize.

Homer Simpson: Fun too.

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Marge Simpson: Look. I want a cup.

Sportacus Clerk: Cup. Could you spell that?

Marge Simpson: C-U-P. I wanna C-U... Oh, my God!

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Ned Flanders: Good luck, Homer. No hard feelings!

Homer Simpson: Not so easy to keep your mouth shut now, is it, Flanders?

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Homer Simpson: My father never believed in me! I'm not gonna make the same mistake. From now on I'm gonna be kinder to my son and meaner to my dad.

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Marge Simpson: You know, Homer, it's very easy to criticize.

Homer Simpson: Fun, too.

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Bart Simpson: I got bad news for you, Dad.

Homer Simpson: Oh, your mother is not pregnant, is she?

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Bart Simpson: Okay, Milhouse, let's try out the new cup.

Milhouse Van Houten: [kicks Bart in the groin]

Bart Simpson: Again!

Milhouse Van Houten: [kicks Bart in the groin again]

Bart Simpson: [yawns]

Milhouse Van Houten: [kicks Bart in the groin again and again]

Marge Simpson: Milhouse, stop that!

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Nelson Muntz: [to football player] Gimme the ball!

[football player hands him the ball]

Nelson Muntz: And your lunch money!

[football player hands him his lunch money too]

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Homer: Hello, Son. I wanna apologize. I got so caught up in trying to encourage you, that I was blinded to your stinky performance. If you come back and play for the team, I promise I'll never encourage you again.

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Homer Simpson: Good practice, kids. Now its time for the easiest part of any coach's job. The cuts. Although I wasn't able to cut everyone I wanted to, I have cut a lot of you. Wendell is cut. Rudy is cut. Janey, you're gone. Steven, I like your hustle

[Steven smiles]

Homer Simpson: . That's why it was so hard to cut you

[Steven's smile drops]

Homer Simpson: . Congratulations, the rest of you made the team!

[random sighs of relief]

Homer Simpson: Except you, you and you.

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Homer: Got any of that beer that has candy floating in it? You know, Skittlebrau?

Apu: Such a beer does not exist, sir. I think you must have dreamed it.

Homer: Oh. Well, then just give me a six-pack and a couple of bags of Skittles.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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