Kramer is walking down a street and sees a man littering. He calls the guy a "pig" but doing so offends a cop who is standing a few feet away. Of course, the cop isn't paying attention and the scofflaw gets away. Kramer decides that he needs a new look and goes with an eye patch. George runs into Gary Fogel, a man who was having cancer and decided not to tell him. But he did tell Jerry, who reveals that he made himself nearly sick being nice to the guy. The next day, George meets with Gary, who drops a bombshell that he never actually had cancer and that the operation revealed that it was benign. Kramer decides to go apologize to the cop on his way to get a book signed by Elaine's ex-boyfriend Jake Jarmel (see episode "The Sniffing Accountant"). The cop reveals a story about a brown Dodge sedan that has become his "white whale" - the scofflaw has racked up more parking tickets than anyone in New York and that he almost nailed him until Kramer made his remark. Kramer goes to the book store and sees Jake signing books, and he comments on Jake's frames but he wont tell Kramer where he got them. He then tells him that Elaine says hi. But this of course freaks Elaine out. She then goes to the bookstore to meet with Jake. Jerry, meanwhile, confronts George with his poker face about the bombshell that Gary just told him. Jerry gets the message loud and clear that Gary never actually had cancer. He tries to confront Gary but George wont let him because Gary is giving George a parking space for practically nothing. Elaine then bumps into a man on the street who has an identical pair of Jake's frames. She buys them out of spite and then goes back to gloat at Jake. The man, now without his glasses walks across the street and causes an accident. Kramer catches wind of who the scofflaw is - Newman. He tells the cop, who in turn gets Newman's car permanently impounded. This of course means that Gary is forced to give up his parking space. Jerry goes to meet him and George at the Hair Team For Men store, where Jerry finds that the unlimited gift certificate he had purchased for Gary was being put to good use. He then gets Gary to admit that he had lied about getting cancer. George gets a toupee and is brimming with newly found self-confidence. Elaine sells the glasses to Mr. Lippman, who is opening the press conference for Jake Jarmel. During the press conference, things get ugly.
When George learns that their friend Gary never had cancer as he claimed, he promises to keep it a secret from Jerry. Of course George can keep a secret for about two seconds. Elaine gets all tied up in knots when she learns that someone said hi to her ex-boyfriend on her behalf. She goes out of her way to let him know otherwise, which seems to defeat the purpose of it all. Kramer has a run-in with the local beat cop who tells him there's someone in the neighborhood who has amassed parking tickets for years. Kramer figures out just who that is.
- George discovers that an old friend of his and Jerry's has been faking cancer in order to win favor. Kramer, after befriending a policeman, discovers that Newman has been scoffing at the rule of law for many years. Meanwhile, Elaine seeks revenge against a bespectacled ex-boyfriend who accuses her of still liking him.