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"Seinfeld" The Merv Griffin Show (TV Episode 1997) Poster

(TV Series)

(1997)

Quotes

George Costanza: I don't get these birds; they're breakin' the deal! It's like the pigeons decided to ignore me.

Jerry Seinfeld: So they're like everyone else.

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Elaine Benes: Kramer, what is wrong with you?

Cosmo Kramer: What do you mean?

Elaine Benes: Well, for starters, you're lookin' at note cards...

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[George and Miranda are in George's car]

George Costanza: You know, I spilled a yogurt smoothie in here two days ago.

[Proudly]

George Costanza: Can't smell anything, can you?

Miranda: Banana?

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[entering Celia's apartment, Jerry admires her toy collection]

Jerry Seinfeld: Where did you get all these?

Celia: My dad was a collector. I inherited them after he died from a long, painful bout with -

Jerry Seinfeld: SuperBall!

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Jerry Seinfeld: You ran over some pigeons? How many?

George Costanza: Whatever they had.

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George Costanza: Miranda thinks I'm a butcher, but - it's not my fault, is it? Don't we have a deal with the pigeons?

Jerry Seinfeld: Of course we have a deal: They get out of the way of our cars; we look the other way on the statue defecations.

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Jerry Seinfeld: So Miranda's cooled on you?

George Costanza: I'm gettin' nothin'!

Jerry Seinfeld: Yeah, me neither.

George Costanza: Really? I thought you and Celia were sleeping together.

Jerry Seinfeld: Oh, the sex is wild, but she's got this incredible toy collection and she won't let me near it!

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Elaine Benes: I was sittin' there, making Cup-a-Soup, singing that song from The Lion King.

Jerry Seinfeld: "Hakuna Matata"?

Elaine Benes: [ashamedly] I thought I was alone.

Jerry Seinfeld: That doesn't make it right.

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Jerry Seinfeld: See, to me, the "Hakuna Matata" is not nearly as embarrassing as the Cup-a-Soup.

Elaine Benes: Would you just... let it go?

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[J. Peterman is reading People magazine; Elaine enters]

Elaine Benes: Mr. Peterman, here are these pages that you wanted -

J. Peterman: One moment.

[enchanted]

J. Peterman: I'm reading the most fascinating article on the most fascinating people of the year... And, done.

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George Costanza: [George and Jerry are seated as guests on "The Merv Griffin Show"] So, they're flying the tiny instruments in from El Paso.

Cosmo Kramer: El Paso, I spent a month there one night.

Newman: [laughing hard] El Paso!

Jerry Seinfeld: What's he here for?

Cosmo Kramer: He takes some of the pressure off of me. So Jerry what's going on with you? I understand there's a young lady in your life. Hmmm

Jerry Seinfeld: Actually it's kind of a funny story.She has this amazing toy collection and last night I finally got to play with them.

Cosmo Kramer: Well it sounds like things are progressing. Do I hear wedding bells?

Newman: Are you married right now?

[Kramer slaps Newman]

Jerry Seinfeld: Actually she doesn't even know about the toys. I gave her the wrong kind of medicine and I guess she passed out.

Cosmo Kramer: What do you mean "wrong kind of medicine"?

Jerry Seinfeld: [to George] She's even got that old Mattel football game that we love.

George Costanza: Ah come on! You got to get me over there!

Cosmo Kramer: Wait a minute! You mean to say that you drugged a woman so you could take advantage of her toys?

[to Newman]

Cosmo Kramer: Could we pause a moment?

[Newman turns on "commercial break music"]

Cosmo Kramer: Jerry, now what you do with your personal life is your business but when your on my set, you clean it up mister!

Newman: I told you he was a risk.

Jerry Seinfeld: Oh like he's not just carrying you and has been for years!

Newman: Yeah? Well you bombed! That story stunk worse than these chairs.

[Kramer mediates]

Cosmo Kramer: ["Commercial music" ends] Smile everyone we're back.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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