"Seinfeld" The Maestro (TV Episode 1995) Poster

(TV Series)



Cosmo Kramer: Well you know they don't allow outside drinks in the movie theater. So I had to put it in my shirt and sneak it in.

Jackie Chiles: Yeah, see they like to sell their own coffee.

Cosmo Kramer: Yeah, now is that going to be a problem?

Jackie Chiles: Yeah that's going to be a problem. It's gonna be a problem for them. This a clear violation of your rights as a consumer. It's an infringement on your constitutional rights. It's outrageous, egregious, preposterous.

Cosmo Kramer: It's definitely preposterous.

Jackie Chiles: So. Then what happened?

Cosmo Kramer: Well I was trying to get to my seat and I had to step over someone and I kind of got pushed and it spilled on me.

Jackie Chiles: Was there a top on it?

Cosmo Kramer: Yeah

Jackie Chiles: Now did you put the top on or did they put the top on for you?

Cosmo Kramer: No. They put the top on.

Jackie Chiles: And they made the top. You didn't make the top did you?

[Kramer motions that he did not make the top]

Jackie Chiles: [to secretary over intercom] Suzie. I want you to go down to Java World. Get me a cafe latte with a top.

[to Kramer]

Jackie Chiles: We're gonna run some test on that top. Have you been to the doctor?

Cosmo Kramer: No. No, I haven't.

Jackie Chiles: Suzie. Call Dr. Bison. Set up an appointment for Mr. Kramer here. Tell him it's from me.

Cosmo Kramer: So, what do you think, Mr. Chiles.

Jackie Chiles: Jackie

Cosmo Kramer: Jackie. I mean, we have a chance?

Jackie Chiles: Do we have a chance? You get me one coffee drinker on that jury, you gonna walk outta there a rich man.

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Jerry Seinfeld: [dark corner of Italian restaurant] Ah, excuse me, I'm looking for a Mr. Ciccio.

Ciccio: Si, si, I'mma Ciccio.

Jerry Seinfeld: Poppy sent me to see you, Mr. Ciccio.

Ciccio: Si, si, Poppy.

Jerry Seinfeld: Um, did he, did he mention to you why I called?

Ciccio: Si, the house in Tuscana.

Jerry Seinfeld: Yeah, right, right. So is there anything there to rent?

Ciccio: Si. Two million a Lira. You give me the check.

Jerry Seinfeld: I didn't actually want to rent it.

Ciccio: The keys, here are the keys. You give me the check. Two million a Lira. Seventeen hundred Americana. Molto generoso.

[a man approaches and whispers into Ciccio's ear]

Ciccio: [to the man] Ah, si, si.

Jerry Seinfeld: [nerviously watches the man walk away] So see um, I didn't say that I wanted to rent it, I was just wondering if there were... houses there to rent.

Ciccio: Si.

[holds up the keys]

Ciccio: Thissa one! Capiche?

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