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"Seinfeld" The Library (TV Episode 1991) Poster

(TV Series)

(1991)

Quotes

Lt. Bookman: Maybe we can live without libraries, people like you and me. Maybe. Sure, we're too old to change the world, but what about that kid, sitting down, opening a book, right now, in a branch at the local library and finding drawings of pee-pees and wee-wees on the Cat in the Hat and the Five Chinese Brothers? Doesn't HE deserve better? Look. If you think this is about overdue fines and missing books, you'd better think again.

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Lt. Bookman: Yeah '71, that was my first year on the job. Bad year for libraries. Bad year for America. Hippies burning library cards, Abby Hoffman telling everybody to steal books. I don't judge a man by the length of his hair or the kind of music he listens to. Rock was never my bag. But you put on a pair of shoes when you walk into the New York Public Library, fella.

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Elaine: Boys are sick.

Jerry: Well what do girls do?

Elaine: Nothing. We just tease someone until they develop an eating disorder.

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Jerry: [returning book] Any way, I hope there's no hard feelings.

Lt. Bookman: Hard feelings, what do you know about hard feelings? Ever have a man die in your arms? Ever kill somebody?

Jerry: What is your problem?

Lt. Bookman: What's my problem, punks like you, that's my problem. And you better not screw up again Seinfeld, because if you do, I'll be all over you like a Pit Bull on a Poodle.

[quit exit]

Jerry: That is one tough monkey.

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Jerry: This woman's completely ignoring me.

Kramer: Look at her. This is a lonely woman looking for companionship... spinster... maybe a virgin... maybe she got hurt a long time ago. She was a schoolgirl. There was a boy It didn't work out. Now she needs a little tenderness. She needs a little understanding. She needs a little Kramer.

Jerry: And eventually a little shot of penicillin.

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George Costanza: [George is telling Jerry and Elaine about his high school coach Mr. Heyman, whom he got fired] He purposely mispronounced my name. Instead of saying Costanza, he'd say, Can't stand ya.

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Mr. Heyman: [Heyman is a homeless man in a back alley. George had visited him earlier, near the library. Heyman is laughing] Can't stand ya. Can't stand ya.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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