George Costanza: Master of the house, keeper of the inn...
[Jerry proudly models his new jacket in front of George. George looks in admiration at the jacket]
George Costanza: This is huge! When did this happen?
Jerry Seinfeld: Wednesday. This jacket has completely changed my life. When I leave the house in this, it's with a whole different confidence. Like tonight, I might've been a little nervous. But, inside this jacket, I am composed, grounded, secure that I can meet an social challenge.
George Costanza: [Nods] Can I say one thing to you? And I say this with an unblemished record of staunch heterosexuality.
Jerry Seinfeld: Absolutely.
George Costanza: It's fabulous.
George Costanza: If she doesn't show up, we can't possibly have dinner with him alone.
Jerry Seinfeld: How are we gonna get out of it?
George Costanza: We'll say we're frightened and we have to go home!
Jerry Seinfeld: Yeah, that's good. He'd clunk our heads together like Moe!
Elaine Benes: My father thinks George is gay.
Jerry Seinfeld: Because of all the singing?
Elaine Benes: No, he pretty much thinks everyone is gay.
Jerry Seinfeld: What is this?
[picks a jacket of the rack]
Jerry Seinfeld: This is beautiful.
[holds it up for Elaine to see]
Jerry Seinfeld: These jackets never fit me right.
Elaine Benes: Try it on.
Elaine Benes: Hmmm! Wow! This is soft suede.
Jerry Seinfeld: This may be the most perfect jacket I have ever put on.
Jerry Seinfeld: How much is it?
Elaine Benes: [surprised] Oh... my... God!
Jerry Seinfeld: Bad ?
Jerry Seinfeld: Very bad?
Elaine Benes: You have no idea.
Jerry Seinfeld: I have some idea.
Elaine Benes: No idea.
Jerry Seinfeld: I've got a ball park.
Elaine Benes: There is no park and the team has re-located.
[George is singing "Master of the House" from Les Miserables]
Jerry Seinfeld: What is that song?
George Costanza: Oh, it's from Les Miserables. I went to see it last week. I can't get it out of my head. I just keep singing it over and over. It just comes out. I have no control over it. I'm singing it on elevators, buses. I sing it in front of clients. It's taking over my life.
Jerry Seinfeld: You know, Schumann went mad from that.
George Costanza: Artie Schumann? From Camp Hatchapee?
Jerry Seinfeld: No, you idiot.
George Costanza: What are you, Bud Abbott? What are you calling me an idiot for?
Jerry Seinfeld: You don't know Robert Schumann? The composer?
George Costanza: Oh, Schu-MANN. Of course.
Jerry Seinfeld: He went crazy from one note. He couldn't get it out of his head. I think it was an A. He kept repeating it over and over again. He had to be institutionalized.
George Costanza: Really? Well, what if it doesn't stop?
[Jerry shrugs his shoulders]
[George is softly singing "Master of the House" from "Les Miserables" under his breath]
Alton Benes: Pipe down, chorus boy!
Alton Benes: Which one's supposed to be the funny guy?
George Costanza: Oh, he's the comedian.
Jerry Seinfeld: I'm just a regular person.
George Costanza: No, no. He's just being modest.
Alton Benes: We had a funny guy with us in Korea. A tailgunner. They blew his brains out all over the Pacific. There's nothing funny about that!