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"Seinfeld" The Jacket (TV Episode 1991) Poster

(TV Series)

(1991)

Quotes

George Costanza: Master of the house, keeper of the inn...

[Jerry proudly models his new jacket in front of George. George looks in admiration at the jacket]

George Costanza: This is huge! When did this happen?

Jerry Seinfeld: Wednesday. This jacket has completely changed my life. When I leave the house in this, it's with a whole different confidence. Like tonight, I might've been a little nervous. But, inside this jacket, I am composed, grounded, secure that I can meet an social challenge.

George Costanza: [Nods] Can I say one thing to you? And I say this with an unblemished record of staunch heterosexuality.

Jerry Seinfeld: Absolutely.

George Costanza: It's fabulous.

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George Costanza: If she doesn't show up, we can't possibly have dinner with him alone.

Jerry Seinfeld: How are we gonna get out of it?

George Costanza: We'll say we're frightened and we have to go home!

Jerry Seinfeld: Yeah, that's good. He'd clunk our heads together like Moe!

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Elaine Benes: My father thinks George is gay.

Jerry Seinfeld: Because of all the singing?

Elaine Benes: No, he pretty much thinks everyone is gay.

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Jerry Seinfeld: What is this?

[picks a jacket of the rack]

Jerry Seinfeld: This is beautiful.

[holds it up for Elaine to see]

Jerry Seinfeld: These jackets never fit me right.

Elaine Benes: Try it on.

Elaine Benes: Hmmm! Wow! This is soft suede.

Jerry Seinfeld: This may be the most perfect jacket I have ever put on.

Jerry Seinfeld: How much is it?

Elaine Benes: [surprised] Oh... my... God!

Jerry Seinfeld: Bad ?

[Elaine nods]

Jerry Seinfeld: Very bad?

Elaine Benes: You have no idea.

Jerry Seinfeld: I have some idea.

Elaine Benes: No idea.

Jerry Seinfeld: I've got a ball park.

Elaine Benes: There is no park and the team has re-located.

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[George is singing "Master of the House" from Les Miserables]

Jerry Seinfeld: What is that song?

George Costanza: Oh, it's from Les Miserables. I went to see it last week. I can't get it out of my head. I just keep singing it over and over. It just comes out. I have no control over it. I'm singing it on elevators, buses. I sing it in front of clients. It's taking over my life.

Jerry Seinfeld: You know, Schumann went mad from that.

George Costanza: Artie Schumann? From Camp Hatchapee?

Jerry Seinfeld: No, you idiot.

George Costanza: What are you, Bud Abbott? What are you calling me an idiot for?

Jerry Seinfeld: You don't know Robert Schumann? The composer?

George Costanza: Oh, Schu-MANN. Of course.

Jerry Seinfeld: He went crazy from one note. He couldn't get it out of his head. I think it was an A. He kept repeating it over and over again. He had to be institutionalized.

George Costanza: Really? Well, what if it doesn't stop?

[Jerry shrugs his shoulders]

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[George is softly singing "Master of the House" from "Les Miserables" under his breath]

Alton Benes: Pipe down, chorus boy!

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Alton Benes: Which one's supposed to be the funny guy?

George Costanza: Oh, he's the comedian.

Jerry Seinfeld: I'm just a regular person.

George Costanza: No, no. He's just being modest.

Alton Benes: We had a funny guy with us in Korea. A tailgunner. They blew his brains out all over the Pacific. There's nothing funny about that!

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[last lines]

Alton Benes: [sings] Master of the house, dolling out the charm, ready with a handshake and an open palm...

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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