Captain Murphy: Alvis was the holiest man ever to slap iron! He killed for your sins!
Sparks: How can you worship that guy? He killed a man!
Captain Murphy: Hey, only for revenge. "Vengeance is mine," quoth Alvis. Then he shot that guy right in the freaking face!
Captain Murphy: Oh Alvis! We were gonna have a festival for you, with ham and pomp!
Alvis: Believer, you have forgotten the true meaning of Alvis Day. Neither is it ham, nor pomp. Nay, the true meaning of Alvis day is drinking. Drinking and revenge.
Dr. Quentin Q. Quinn: Most religions think Alvis' love of liquor and guns and revenge was...
Debbie DuPree: Creepy.
Captain Murphy: Well, maybe most religions can hash it out in hell for all eternity.
Derek 'Stormy' Waters: Alvis'll smoke those bitches.
Alvis: Now drink with me deeply of the bourbon, scotch, and rye until such time as we are fighting drunk. Then we shall find, and beat the asses of, the nonbelievers who ruined my feast.