Jordan: Have a good day. Try not to torture anyone so much that they take their own lives.
Dr. Cox: I'll try. You know, you're not looking as processed and overly-medicated as usual.
Jordan: That is so sweet!
Dr. Cox: Don't tell me - you and Sweaty Teddy here are gonna finally have that commitment ceremony you've been dreaming about?
Dr. Kelso: Perry, even if I went that way - and believe me, there were nights in the service when it didn't sound so far-fetched - Ted is hardly my type.
Ted Buckland: I beg to differ, I've seen Enid.
Carla: Miss Myers is ready to have her bandages removed now.
Dr. Cox: Who do you mean, dashboard-face?
Carla: Yeah, I think she prefers "Miss Myers."
Dr. Cox: Well then she probably shouldn't be checking her e-mail while she's driving ninety miles an hour.
Dr. Cox: You know what? I've got a son, I don't fantasize about Jordan dying as much anymore, and, even though it wasn't planned, I'm actually pretty happy about the way this whole marriage thing has worked out. Sooo, would you please stop your chirping and step away from my personal life?
Dr. Clock: So what's his wife like?
Carla: So scary!
J.D.: Hey, uh, you need to move your car - it's my day to have the parking spot
Elliot: J.D., you have a scooter! Why do you even need a parking spot?
J.D.: Mmmm, it sends a message.
Dr. Cox: There's no way in hell that I'm gonna listen to you complain about the rest of your life for the rest of my life, you got that?
Jordan: Yeah, not listening. By the way, now that we're married again, we've gotta make out new wills in case one of us dies.
Dr. Cox: Oh, God, I hope it's me.
Dr. Cox: Mm-hm. Why don't you just...
Dr. Clock: Mind my own business. I know, your life is your life, and it's not my job to fix it, unless of course you ask me to. And, man, would I get in there, 'cause I'm a good shrink and you, my friend, are a walking disaster. Shall we?
J.D.: Well, as you may have heard from the loudspeaker, some residents, the janitor, my mother, your mother, and a coma patient, um, I'm being referred to as the "co-" chief resident. I think we should either both go with "co-chief" or "chief." Don't you... co-agree?
Lonnie: Excuse me. We're working up this patient for a hypercoagulable state with a prolonged PTT? What's our next step?
J.D.: Well, that's easy, Lonnie, what you want to do...
Lonnie: 'd like my answer from the *chief* resident.
Dr. Cox: Yeah, I make it a point to never enter a shrink's office unless I'm planning on grossly overpaying somebody for telling me something that I already know.
Dr. Clock: Look, you're obviously really distracted by the situation with your marriage...
Dr. Cox: Something I already know, what do I owe? Will ten bucks cover it?
J.D.: In a hospital, it's hard not to let your personal life affect your professional life.
Dr. Cox: Jordan! Will you... will you divorce me?
Jordan: Ohh, I thought you'd never ask!
J.D.: So! How you guys gonna celebrate your divorce?
Turk: By not inviting you!
J.D.: Oh my God! Dude! I doubted you for a second, why are you so mad?
Turk: Maybe I needed you to believe in me!
Carla: I believe in you, baby.
Turk: Yeah, but we're married - that doesn't count.
Turk: Look J.D, I've gotta go, I can't be late... I got a new attending-plus, he's a question talker.
J.D.: What's a question talker?
The New Attending: Do I want you to be on time, Dr. Turk? Yes I do, Am I going to remember this? Of course I am.
Janitor: What's that? Your new cool guy walk?
J.D.: Nope, I have rocks in my shoe.
J.D.: Wow, that's a lot of rocks. I gotta stop taking that shortcut through the quarry.
Ted: Dr. Cox, remember a few years back, you asked me to look over your divorce papers to make sure "that slag would die a penniless whore"?
Jordan: It's okay, "slag" is kind of his pet-name for me.
J.D.: Look, man, it was one second of doubt, okay? Since when do you care what anybody else thinks?
Turk: I don't. I care what you think.
Dr. Clock: Dr Cox, I was wondering if we could talk about Miss Myers in my office.
Dr. Cox: Yeah... I make it a point to never enter a shrink's office unless I'm planning on grossly over-paying somebody for telling me something that I already know.
Dr. Clock: Look, you're obviously really distracted by the situation with your marriage.
Dr. Cox: Something I already know. What do I owe? Will ten bucks cover it?
Dr. Clock: Ah, yeah!
[takes the money]
Dr. Cox: Are you gonna hang onto that?
Dr. Clock: Yeah... you know, I forgot my lunch money, and it's kielbasa day in the cafeteria. Kielbasa!
Dr. Cox: [nervously] Ah ah...
Dr. Clock: Love it. Anyway, Miss Myers really values your opinion, but I don't think you're trying to understand how she feels.
Dr. Cox: Look, if I ever want your advice on one of my patients, I'll ask; but do not hold your breath unless, of course, you can hold it for a really long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long time.
Dr. Clock: I can't, I used to smoke.
[Cox leaves, Clock stands up in the hall and smiles]
Dr. Clock: Kielbasa... yes!