Harvey Corman: I know what a restraining order is! You act like I've never dated.
Dr. Perry Cox: Oh my God! I'm gagging and vomiting at the same time. I'm gavomiting!
Dr. Perry Cox: Can I ask you a personal question? Just how long has it been since you swept the stuffed animals off your bed, thrown your ankles up in the air, and thanked whatever god you pray to that you didn't have on your granny panties?
Dr. Bob Kelso: Shore it up, people. Neena Broderick's in the building.
Ted Buckland: WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: As tactless as it was to yell that in a room of very sick people, Ted had a point.
Nurse Carla Espinosa: Hey, Night School! Mr. Corman followed us home last night!
Dr. Christopher Turk: How'd you get my cell phone number?
The Janitor: Ehh, once you've got somebody's driver's license and a urine sample, you can get just about anything. How do you fail 8th grade gym?
Nurse Carla Espinosa: You better stop messing with my husband.
The Janitor: You better tell him to stop messing with my walls.
Nurse Carla Espinosa: You did this?
Dr. Christopher Turk: Baby, you know you're my world.
Nurse Carla Espinosa: I'm out.
The Janitor: I flunked gym too. Didn't like the shorts.
Harvey Corman: Your father's gonna be just fine. The place is top-notch. I practically live here!
Neena Broderick: Are you a doctor?
Harvey Corman: Massive hypocondriac. If you'll excuse me, I have to go harass a surgeon.
Doug Murphy: Elliot, I know everyone thinks I'm this huge screw-up, but I just want you to know that I'm gonna turn it around!
Dr. Elliot Reid: Doug! This is a quarantined area!
Dr. Perry Cox: Okay, missy. Knowing damn well that you'll sue if the slightest thing should go wrong with this elective procedure, we're gonna go ahead and elect not to do it.
Neena Broderick: You can't do that.
Dr. Perry Cox: Really? Bob?
Dr. Bob Kelso: Hospitals can refuse treatment on a non-emergency patient. Here's a list of places we can refer you to. Thanks for playing.
Doug Murphy: How long do I have to stay up there?
The Janitor: Just until I finish pretending to read the newspaper. Hm, apparently there was some sort of election held recently.
Dr. Elliot Reid: Kelso wants me to keep hiding Doug until that attorney leaves? Isn't that ridiculous?
Nurse Carla Espinosa: Elliot, the man tried to electrocute me an hour ago. All I care about is whether or not this twitch goes away. You should take Doug down to the morgue. The worst he could do there is bring somebody back to life!
Dr. Christopher Turk: J.D., big news! Guess what my new cell phone number spells?
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Why'd you get a new cell phone number. Your old number spelled kufunninapuh.
Dr. Christopher Turk: Yeah, well this one's 916-Call-Turk. Yeah, so now all you gotta do is call Turk!
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: How am I supposed to remember that? I'm begging you, stick with kufunninapuh.
Dr. Christopher Turk: Come on, man, this is the best thing that's ever happened to me besides getting married.
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: She's not here.
Dr. Christopher Turk: It's the best thing that's ever happened to me.
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: For your information there's a certain foxy nurse that requested my services at her apartment just last weekend.
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Hold on, I'm almost there.
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Okay! Your new bed's all in! What now?
Foxy Nurse: You leave.
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Still don't understand why he couldn't do it.
Dr. Bob Kelso: Shake this place up. And for God's sakes, get Murphy out of here!
Nurse Carla Espinosa: Don't worry, Doug, you're a good doctor.
Doug Murphy: I know!
Harvey Corman: I thought we could head over to my tennis club. I'll show you what's going on with my serve. Can you hop a tall fence? I'm a little behind on my dues.
Dr. Christopher Turk: Sure, a black guy breaking into a country club. Mm, nothing bad could happen there!
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Okay, I'm confused. I thought you weren't interested in me.
Neena Broderick: Well, maybe I just said that to make it easier for you. Or maybe I said it because I knew you'd do what wanted you to do. I'm not sure.
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: You know, if you really wanna piss him off, we should follow him to his office and just have sex in front of him. Ahhhh, that would never work, I couldn't perform. It's a mentor thing.
Neena Broderick: Thank you. And I hope I didn't ruffle your feathers too much while I was here.
Dr. Perry Cox: Sweetheart, I find it amusing that you think you're so much as a blip on my radar. Better go ahead and jot this down in your little lawyer notebook: Nothing you could do could ever, hee-hever get to me.
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Why are you doing this?
Neena Broderick: I love my dad. I'd do anything. But if it makes you feel any better, I think you're really sweet.
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: How am I supposed to believe that?
Neena Broderick: Well, you can't. I already lied to you once so the trust is broken, even though I'd never lie to you again.
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Really?
Neena Broderick: Who knows.
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: What are you doing here?
Dr. Elliot Reid: Ah, hiding from Doug. He asked me a question I haven't answered yet. You?
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: I was trying to make a dramatic exit. I thought this was a patient's room.
Dr. Elliot Reid: Right.
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: All right, even if I am a little desperate, Neena was not playing me.
Neena Broderick: I was playing you.
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: You're just saying that because he's here.
Neena Broderick: No, I manipulated you.
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: You're just saying that because he's here.
Neena Broderick: Okay, we seem to be a bit of a loop here, so I'm just gonna step over and talk to this one.
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Listen, I know you hate everything about Miss Broderick, but her father is in need of medical care, and it's our medical obligation to treat him whether his daughter is a murderer, a drug addict, or a terrorist.
Dr. Perry Cox: I know, but a lawyer?
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Even a lawyer.
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: But CALL-TURK is eight numbers.
Dr. Christopher Turk: I know, actually it's just CALL-TUR, but I'm hoping people will dial the K anyway.
Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: I'll always dial the K for you.
Dr. Christopher Turk: You're a good friend.
Doug Murphy: I'm not sure if I'm supposed to give this to someone or if I took this from someone, but I got a bag of blood.
Dr. Elliot Reid: Carla, when I became chief resident, I wrote a pledge to myself and do you know what it said?
Nurse Carla Espinosa: Mm-mm?
Dr. Elliot Reid: It said, "Dance like nobody is watching," which I do constantly with the shades closed just in case somebody's watching. But it also said not to hide problems away.