Scrubs (TV Series)

My Hypocritical Oath (2005)

Ken Jenkins: Dr. Bob Kelso

Quotes 

• Dr. Bob Kelso : [sees Turk sitting on the desk]  What the Hell are you doing?

  Dr. Christopher Turk : [with excitement]  I get to have SEX!

  Dr. Bob Kelso : [under breath]  I hate this place.

• Dr. Elliot Reid : Dr Kelso, I've thought about it and I am not going to just stand around and wait for Mr Cheng to die.

  Dr. Bob Kelso : Excuse me?

  Dr. Perry Cox : Are you kidding me? Barbie going toe to toe with Big Bob in a battle of the annoying? Well, happy birthday to me!

  [catches a lamp and uses it as a radio microphone in his following lines] 

  Dr. Elliot Reid : We should do an exchange transfusion.

  Dr. Perry Cox : And the southpaw with the blond bangs and big britches comes out s-winging!

  Dr. Bob Kelso : Sweetheart, the man is 72 and in multisystem organ dysfunction. It's done. It's parasites 1, person 0! And if you tell that family he's got a chance, all you're doing is raising their hopes.

  Dr. Perry Cox : Oooh! Tremendous body blow!

  Dr. Bob Kelso : Oh, and for the record... we're not colleagues. I don't care what you think.

  Dr. Perry Cox : [now using the lamp as a ring microphone]  Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! And the fight goes to the stocky middleweight from Monroeville, Pennsylvania!

  Dr. Bob Kelso : By the way, Perry, Mickhead called in sick. I need you to work tonight.

  Dr. Perry Cox : [letting fall the lamp on the desk]  Why, here, that's all and good, but I'm not available!

• Dr. Elliot Reid : Mr. Chang's test results showed that he's in renal failure. We're just waiting for the results of his blood smear.

  Dr. Bob Kelso : No need. I saw his chart right before I went to the bakery. He's got malaria.

  Dr. Elliot Reid : And you were going to tell him this after you had a sticky bun?

  Dr. Bob Kelso : Well, in my defense, he's going to live at least another twelve hours and the bakery closes at five.