Scrubs (TV Series)

My Drama Queen (2003)

John C. McGinley: Dr. Perry Cox

Quotes 

• Nurse Laverne Roberts : Dr. Cox! Would you like to try some of my world-famous deviled eggs?

  Dr. Perry Cox : No, thanks, I've already had diarrhea.

• Dr. Perry Cox : Captain Clip-On? Did you go ahead and tattle on me?

  Ted : Oh, please, with the shocked look. Newsflash -- I'm sterile!

  [Dr. Cox and Dr. Kelso both look at him in odd surprise] 

  Ted : I mean gutless!... My guys swim in circles. I--I think it's the bike-riding.

• Dr. Perry Cox : You wanna know the real skinny? If you want to be good doctors and nurses, you damn-sure better get ready to get in trouble -- a lot. Because patients are stupid, and they are really scared. And some of them need you to hold their hands, and you should. Others need you to kick their asses, and you absolutely should do that, too. But, it really all just comes down to whether or not you got the guts to say just exactly what you know in your heart of hearts you really should say.

• Dr. Elliot Reid : [In the seminar Dr. Cox is teaching]  Dr. Cox! This is useless, I thought we were really going to learn something?

  Dr. Perry Cox : Barbie, why did they toss you in here?

  Dr. Elliot Reid : Oh, they didn't! I'm, uh... uh, I'm... auditing.

• Ted : See, Dr. Cox, this is, uh, the sort of hostile behavior that can cause us legal difficulty.

  Dr. Perry Cox : [whistles]  Ted! I just might rip that tie off your neck and jam it down your esophagus.

  Ted : I think you proved at Nurse Roberts' above-ground pool party that that doesn't solve anything.

• Dr. Perry Cox : [Dr. Cox is chewing out a patient]  Nine pounds in a WEEK? Let me ask you a quick question: are you trying to make my head explode? Because you have no idea just how frustrating it is working your ASS off trying to inflate a tiny little balloon inside someone's clogged artery. And all that a person has to do, really, is -- oh, I don't know -- go for a walk in the morning or choke down a fresh green salad. And you come back here looking like that! And I know, I know, here I'm supposed to be Dr. Give A Crap, but you wanna know the God's honest truth? And this is a fact -- you are what you eat, and you clearly went out and devoured a big fat guy, didn'cha!