Scrubs (TV Series)

My Changing Ways (2005)

Zach Braff: Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian

Quotes 

• J.D. : Look, before, when you said I'd never be as cool as when I was living with you, you know there's some truth to that. I'm sorta like odd and geeky, and you've always sort of... validated me.

  Turk : J.D., you're just moving out.

  J.D. : Well, say things'll be the same.

  Turk : [Turk's beeper goes off]  That's Carla, and I gotta go. You're right, things are gonna be different. But different doesn't always mean bad -- just means different.

• J.D. : [JD and Turk are lying on the ground]  Why are we lying in the parking lot?

  Turk : Your hook shot knocked you unconscious and I lied down next to you so everybody would think we were chillin'.

  J.D. : Oh. Thanks S.C.B. By the way I should tell you something. I found an apartment and I'm moving out the day after tomorrow.

  Turk : Wow. What does S.C.B. mean?

  J.D. : Super. Chocolate. Bear.

  Turk : I love it.

• J.D. : [thinking]  Maybe I was being unfair to Turk. Maybe it's too much to expect a friend to just sense that you're upset and wanna talk about it...

  Elliot : [when JD walks by Elliot and Carla]  Carla, I can sense you're upset, talk to me!

  J.D. : [looks confused, the continues walking and thinks]  OK, but Turk is a prideful guy and it's hard for prideful guys to admit when they've been insensitive

  Dr. Cox : [when JD walks by Dr. Cox and Jordan]  Listen, Jordan, I've been incredibly insensitive...

  J.D. : [looking back to the hallway, thinking]  Touché, magic hallway!

• J.D. : These are the last eight guys in the hospital who don't realize I suck at basketball.

  Turk : Ah.

  J.D. : Okay, so here's what's gonna happen: I finally mastered my running hook-shot, okay?

  Turk : Ah-huh?

  J.D. : So when we go to pick teams, I'm gonna hit that shot. Then you say, "I'll take that guy!" At which point, Carla is gonna page me

  [gestures to a bored Carla looking out the window] 

  J.D. : . And I'll say, "Crap, I gotta go." And you go, "Damn! We just lost the best player out here!" Then there'll be eight guys in the hospital who think I'm good at sports, and word will spread.

  Turk : When do you find time to see your patients?

  J.D. : Between these thoughts.

• J.D. : Just say you're sorry, give me a hug, and this'll all be over.

  Turk : Why do I have to say I'm sorry?

  J.D. : Dude, I don't mean to sound girly, but, for the last twelve years, you've practically been like... my wife.

  Turk : How is that girly?

• Janitor : Who's ready for a pie break?

  J.D. : No!

  Janitor : Come on, why not?

  J.D. : [J.D. gestures to the Todd in a hospital bed]  Why don't you ask Todd? Due to what can only be described as epic diarrhea, he's been on an I.V. drip for thirty-six hours!

  Todd : [Holding up his hand]  Make-it-stop five?