Janitor: Can't go clubbin' tonight, guys. Daddy's got a date.
Ted: Awww, man! I ironed my going out hair!
Elliot: You're unbelievable.
[Elliot walks away annoyed]
Janitor: You're the only one around here that treats me like a real person.
Elliot: What did you just say?
Janitor: There was one other girl a few years ago, red-haired doctor. She used to eat lunch with me, until the other residents started making fun of her. They called her 'janitor lunch-eater'. Not the most clever group. Anyway, I know that you don't think about me the way I think about you, and I never really believed that you would or that you could. But, just pretending for today somehow made me feel good for a change. I'm sorry.
Elliot: You know what, it's ok. I actually had a good time.
Janitor: [Janitor stifles a coy laugh] Thanks.
[Elliot smiles and walks off scene]
Janitor: [Janitor to himself] Elliot.
[Janitor smiles and walks in the opposite direction]
Dr. Christopher Turk: [J.D. returns from his girlfriend's apartment] Hey hey, here he is! My buddy hit it and quit it, didn't he?
J.D.: [narrating] Hell no.
J.D.: Hell yes! Now if you'll excuse me it's time for my nightly ritual.
J.D.: [narrating] Pleasure myself, weep, and repeat.
J.D.'s Penis: [to J.D] I will kill you!