Saturday Night Live (TV Series)

Bruce Dern/Leon Redbone (1983)

Tim Kazurinsky: Dr. Jack Badofsky, Moe Laub, Various

Quotes 

• Dr. Jack Badofsky : Let us first talk about the many forms of syphilis.

  [reveals a card reading syphilis] 

  Dr. Jack Badofsky : If you're not sure you've got it, it's 'if-philis'.

  [reveals a card reading if-philis] 

  Dr. Jack Badofsky : If you caught it from a drunk, it's 'stiff-philis'.

  [reveals a card reading stiff-philis] 

  Dr. Jack Badofsky : I-if you got it from rubbing noses with an eskimo, that's 'sniff-philis'.

  [reveals a card reading sniff-philis] 

  Dr. Jack Badofsky : And if you sleep with a dirty mummy, that's 'hieroglyph-ilis'.

  [reveals a card reading hieroglyph-ilis] 

• Dr. Jack Badofsky : Let us move now to the many manifestations of gonorrhea.

  [reveals a card reading gonorrhea] 

  Dr. Jack Badofsky : When you first find out you've got it, that's 'gonorrhealization'.

  [reveals a card reading gonorrhealization] 

  Dr. Jack Badofsky : If, if you get rid of it and it comes back, that's 'gonorrheappearance'.

  [reveals a card reading gonorrheappearance] 

  Dr. Jack Badofsky : And, if... if... if the New York Post finds out you've got it, everyone in the city's gonorrhead-all-about-it.

  [reveals a card reading gonorrhead-all-about-it]