- Roseanne Roseannadanna: [about Studio 54] Well, Jane - just between you and me... it's crazy nuts! They got guys dancing with guys... girls dancing with girls... guys who look like girls dancing with girls who look like guys... girls who look like dogs dancing with themselves... guys who look like dogs dancing with dogs.
- Weekend Update Anchor: A Morning After birth control pill, developed at the University of Florida, has proven to be 99% effective. Hey! Great news! Only one pregnancy occurred among 359 women who started the medication within 72 hours after unprotected sexual intercourse.
- [holds up the device]
- Weekend Update Anchor: Now, it's called a Post-Obligatory Interceptive, and I have a sample right here, enough for three inceptions. They're not gonna do me any good. Here, Jane, a whole year's supply for ya'!