Saturday Night Live (TV Series)

Queen Latifah (2004)

Amy Poehler: Weekend Update Anchor, Various

Quotes 

• Amy Poehler : [on Weekend Update]  Brittney Spears said today that she was writing a rap song outlining her current troubles. 'Wow, I can't wait to hear that' said no one.

• Amy Poehler : Voters in Denmark will soon be able to decide whether to keep a law that allows the government to approve or disapprove names that parents give to their children. With a Weekend update commentary, here is our own Finesse Mitchell.

  Finesse Mitchell : Thank you, Amy. People of Denmark, please, please don't overturn this law. In fact, a law like this could be helpful in this country where we have a real problem with the names our young girls give their children. This is particularly a problem with young African American girls. I'm speaking on behalf of all of the LaQuayquays and Calimaris out there. Now, young white girls will give their children some jacked up names too;ike Rumer, Frances Bean and Apple; but these are rich white children! They would ever have to apply for a job a Kinko's and be told that Jurkeishamalika won't fit on a name tag and so they'll just put 'Jurky' on there. And another thing, I know sometimes these girls are just trying to get back at their baby daddy with these names. I once dated a girl named Condumbusted. I couldn't even say her name in church.

• Amy Poehler : Kerry further seperated himself from the audience by later mentioning that he, President Bush, and moderator Charlie Gibson were the only people in the room rich enough to benefit from a Bush tax cut. Prompting this woman to jump out from the audience and yell "Bitch, you don't know my life!"

• Tina Fey : Jennifer Aniston and Helen Hunt have taped Public Service Announcemnts urging single women to vote. In a Weekend Update exclusive, we have obtained the scripts to the TV spots.

  Amy Poehler : [clears throat]  Hi, I'm Emmy Award winner Jennifer Aniston.

  Tina Fey : And I'm Academy Award winner Helen Hunt.

  Amy Poehler : And we're here to remind single women, on November 2nd, don't leave the voting booth as empty as your womb.

  Tina Fey : Because even though you're currently alone, their is one box you can stuff. The ballot box.

  Amy Poehler : So remember ladies, vote or die. Alone.

• Amy Poehler : Afghanistan's first free election was held today. And as expected, the winner by a landslide was chaos. Utter chaos.