- Kelly Ripa: Okay! Now, Angelina... it is so nice to have you here, but I need to tell you that you... scare me!
- Regis Philbin: Now, it says here that you make out with your brother. You wear your boyfriend's blood on a locket around your neck. You carve Devil symbols on your arms with witch daggers.
- Kelly Ripa: Yikes!
- Angelina Jolie: Actually, those are just rumors that got out of control. I don't wear blood around my neck, my brother and I broke up a long time ago, and the Devil symbols are actually on my buttocks.
- Regis Philbin: That's terrific!
- Debbie: Do you know what it's like to have to tell my friends that my husband sits in a room full of cow assess and waits for them to fart?
- Ian Gerrard: All's not Elle that ends Elle. Australian beauty Elle McPherson just checked out of rehab. Was the leggy supermodel hitting the super-bottle, or was her rehab session for the supression of depression? Will the bossy Aussie's relationship with her lover go down under, where the women go and the men chunder? Can you hear, can you hear the thunder? You better run, Elle. You better take cover. Oh.
- Tina Fey: It has been reported that Britney Spears is now dating actor John Cusack. The two have a lot in common: she wants to pursue an acting career and he wants to bone Britney Spears.