Lindsay Lohan: [during a visit to Disney World] Guys, this is like a dream come true! When I got to the park this morning, Tigger came up and hugged me! I almost cried!
Debbie Downer: I guess Roy's not doing as well as they thought.
Amy Poehler: What? Who's Roy?
Debbie Downer: Roy of Siegfried and Roy. He was attacked by his pet tiger and suffered devastating injuries.
Debbie Downer: [after being hugged by "Pluto"] Oh, hi, Pluto. It must really be fun working at Disney. Although at any major theme park, you live under the constant threat of terrorist attacks.
Amy Poehler: [depressed, the Pluto character walks off] What, where's he going? What's wrong?
Debbie Downer: In that outfit, he's probably in the early stages of heat exhaustion.
Debbie Downer: [at Disney World] Hey, you guys... it's official... I can't have children.
Jimmy Fallon: [ordering breakfast at Disney World] I love Mickey's Steak and eggs!
Debbie Downer: Ever since they found mad cow disease in the US, I'm not taking any chances.
Jimmy Fallon: What?
Debbie Downer: They say it can live in your body for up to three years before it attacks and destroys your brain.
Debbie Downer: [Debbie Downer is at Disney World] I love Disney World. It reminds me of my childhood. I mean before my two-year stint at Children's.
Debbie Downer: They never did catch that Anthrax guy... WAH WAHHHH
Jorge Rodriguez: I'm looking for Pepe! Have you seen him?
Jimmy Fallon: Experts said Monday that doctors are seeing an alarming rise in drug-resistant cases of gonorrhea.
[camera zooms in on Jimmy, smirks evily]
Jimmy Fallon: Again, you're welcome.
Caitlin: This one time, I got choked on a pickle at Wendy's and my whole life flashed before my eyes and I said, "Not yet, sweet Jesus, not yet; I've never been to Disney World!" and then I threw up all over the restaurant and the manager gave me a certificate for one free hamburger a year for the rest of my life! Isn't that right, Rick? Rick, Rick, Riiiiiick!
Debbie Downer: [Regarding Feline AIDS] It's the number one killer of domestic cats.
Lindsay Lohan: Darn it, Debbie! You are not going to spoil my visit to Disney World! Now, I didn't say anything at "It's a Small World" when you went on about low birth weight in babies or during the fireworks when you started talking about Feline AIDS...
Debbie Downer: It's still the number one cause of death among domestic cats
[frustrated, Lindsay leaves]
Debbie Downer: By the way, don't forget the sunscreen. I had a mole looked at the other day and the doctor said that based on the size and shape of the edges, I am flirting with that melanoma thing.
[everyone else at the table gets up to leave]
Debbie Downer: OK, I guess I'll meet you all later at my favorite ride; The Hall of Presidents. You know they never did catch that anthrax guy.