[after the 9/11 attacks
President George W. Bush
Good evening, America. I'd like to address my remarks tonight to Mr. Osama bin Laden. Buddy, you screwed up big time. Guess what, Amigo. I'm coming to get you. I'm not alone, either. The American people are right behind me. You see, you made a big mistake. If you had any brains, you would have challenged me to a game of Scrabble. Or maybe a Beard-Off. You might have won that because I don't have a beard. And when I do, it comes in patchy. But no, you messed up. Because ...