Alex Trebek: French Stewart? The sound a dog makes.
French Stewart: Um... Who is John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band, thank you very much. I'll take Animal Sounds for 800.
Alex Trebek: No. Good lord. We would've accepted "bow wow" or "ruff."
Sean Connery: Oh, rough. Just the way your mother likes it, eh Trebek?
Norm MacDonald: [as Burt Reynolds on Jepordy, selecting "A Petit Dejuner" the the list] Yeah, I'll take ape tit for $200.
Alex Trebek: [Burt Reynolds has changed his name to "Turd Ferguson"] Okay, Burt Reynolds.
Burt Reynolds: That's not my name.
Alex Trebek: Okay, "Turd Ferguson".
Burt Reynolds: Yeah, whaddaya want?
Alex Trebek: You buzzed in!
Burt Reynolds: No, I didn't.
Alex Trebek: Yes, you did.
Burt Reynolds: Yeah, well, that's your opinion.
Alex Trebek: Ok, let's move on to Final Jeopardy, and the category is, you know what, I tell you what, just write a number. Any number and you win.
[Final Jeopardy theme kicks in]
Alex Trebek: We'll accept any number, any number at all,
[French Stewart writes]
Alex Trebek: it could be a 1, or a 2,
[Burt Reynolds adjusts his hat and suit]
Alex Trebek: or a 3, or how about a 4? It's that simple, I know you can do this
[Sean Connery writes and counts his fingers]
Alex Trebek: Let's start with French Stewart, who's grinning like an idiot. You look pretty sure of yourself, think you've got the right answer?
French Stewart: Yes, I'm pretty sure of it Alex.
Alex Trebek: Well, all you had to do was write a number, and you wrote..."Threeve". Combination of three and five, simply stunning. And you wagered... Texas with a dollar sign in front of it. I'm speechless
French Stewart: No I did not get the answers from anyone else,it all came from Mr. Stewart's noggin up here
[points to his head]
Alex Trebek: That's beautiful. Mr. Reynolds?
Burt Reynolds: Yeah, Don't bother, I didn't write anything.
Alex Trebek: Good work, all right. Finally, Mr. Connery, the category was "Numbers", and you wrote
[board reveals a letter v]
Alex Trebek: A Letter V. Well, I tell you what my friend, V is a Roman Numeral, so despite your best efforts, you answered correctly. Let's see what you wagered...
Alex Trebek: [board reveals V to be part of "K" in "Suck it Trebek"] Suck it Trebek...
Sean Connery: [Connery breaks into wild laughter] Hahahahahaha!
Alex Trebek: That's all the time we have... Good night...
[Burt Reynolds puts an oversized hat on Trebek]
Alex Trebek: WOULD YOU GET THAT OFF ME?
Burt Reynolds: That was a funny dog, Scooby-Doo. He rode around in a van and solved mysteries.
Alex Trebek: That is incorrect.
Burt Reynolds: No, it's correct. He had a pal Scrappy.
Alex Trebek: Once again, I would like to remind the contestants to refrain from ethnic slurs.
[Sean Connery is a contestant on "Celebrity Jeopardy."]
Alex Trebek: Mr. Connery, despite your best efforts, you answered the question correctly.