- Danny Ocean: [in a deleted scene from "Ocean's Eleven"] I don't know, sitting here with you now... I got some kooky thoughts knocking around in my brain!
- Josh Howard: What are you talking about, man?
- Danny Ocean: Your skin... your skin is like... what I'm trying to say is: you get out of this tub and put on a dress, I take you out for the biggest steak you've ever seen! So, do I belong in a rubber room or what?
- Josh Howard: No man. Some cats dig chicks, and some cats dig cats. And if it's all right with you, it's all right with the man upstairs.
- Wayne Campbell: [Wayne's Top Ten Babes Of All Time] Number nine: Elle MacPherson. She's a MacBabe.
- Garth: She's a MacFox.
- Wayne Campbell: MacSchwing!
- [Wayne is playing Truth or Dare with Madonna]
- Madonna: Have you ever made love to two women at the same time?
- Wayne Campbell: Um... yes?
- Madonna: I believe you... not!
- Wayne Campbell: I might make love to two women at once.
- Madonna: Yeah, you might, and monkeys might fly out of my butt!
- Charlton Heston: Well, I hope we've made our point and got a few laughs along the way. Did you see the way that big kid fell after he was shot? He's a riot! Makes me proud to be an actor.
- Weekend Update Anchor: Remember, tonight's the night you set your clock back an hour, just to confuse it's little clock mind.