- Weekend Update Anchor: It was revealed this week that the Contras are breaking up, because one of them is dating Yoko.
- Mr. Subliminal: The Trumps are just two normal people with normal problems. Therapy. Donald's a confused man who should evoke our sympathy and understanding. Cheating bastard. And Ivana, a very sweet and unfortunately heartbroken woman. Had it coming to her. Who was misled into signing an obviously unfair prenuptial agreement. Sucker. And caught up in all of this, eh, in the middle, is a sweet, innocent country girl named Marla Maples. Homewrecker. Who never had a chance, never had a chance to defend herself before the press. Guilty. And who cares, who, who cares where she's hiding out? Atlantic City. Personally, you know, I just don't understand the fascination with her. Breasts.
- Doc Swenson: Well don't be afraid, I've treated most of the people in this town. Say, have you heard of Wild Bill Hickok?
- Calamity Jane.: Yeah.
- Doc Swenson: Now they call him Well-Adjusted Hickok. Billy the Kid? Now he's known as Mature William.
- Calamity Jane.: Hmm.
- Woman on date: You know, when you suggested dinner, I had no idea you meant the White Parrot. Isn't this place a little expensive?
- Man on date: Well, I make a good salary.
- Woman on date: No, I... I know how much you make, I'm your boss, remember?