- Fred G. Sanford: Sanford's the name, escorting is my game.
- Mrs. Willis: You want to be a Gramercy escort?
- Fred G. Sanford: Does President Ford need a personality?
- Mrs. Willis: [Pleasantly] Well, I'm sorry, but I don't think you're what I'm looking for.
- [coldly]
- Mrs. Willis: I don't think you're what *anybody's* looking for.
- Mrs. Willis: [to Fred and Elroy] I think I'm running out of time for both of you.
- Fred G. Sanford: Oh, don't worry about that. If you ever need more time, look at a clock - it'll stop.
- Mrs. Willis: [In response to Fred claiming to be a doctor] If you're a doctor then I'm an airline pilot.
- Fred G. Sanford: I can believe that. I can believe that by the excess baggage in your tail section.
- Fred G. Sanford: [wearing a snazzy zoot suit] Look, son, do I look like somethin' that stepped outta Esquire?
- Lamont Sanford: No, you look more like something that was kicked out of El Segundo.