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Horace Rumpole: [entering Pomeroy's and seeing a pensive Erskine-Brown] Oh, what can ail thee, Erskine-Brown, alone and palely loitering?

Claude Erskine-Brown: [depressed] Mmm. It's my practice, Rumpole.

Horace Rumpole: [clearly enjoying the pun] Oh, still practicing? I thought you might have got the hang of it by now.

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Horace Rumpole: [giving back the claret when he realizes he can get champagne] Jack, this horse was unfit for work.

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Horace Rumpole: I never plead guilty!

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Morry Machin: I have admired you often, sir, from afar. They say you're a fighter, Mr. Rumpole. They say you're a terrier, sir, after the legal rabbit.

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Horace Rumpole: A barrister, my dear sir, is a taxi plying for hire. That is the fine tradition of our trade.

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Horace Rumpole: [startled at seeing an empty breakfast table] There are no bacon and eggs, Hilda!

Hilda Rumpole: Claude doesn't like a cooked breakfast, Rumpole, but there's plenty of muesli. I got it for him specially.

Horace Rumpole: [looking in horror at the jar of muesli] What's that? Sawdust and bird droppings?

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Morry Machin: Have you been drinking at all this evening?

Horace Rumpole: [slightly tipsy] Of course, I've been drinking at all. You don't think I come out with these blinding flashes of deduction when I'm completely sober, do you?

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[Morry Machin refuses to print a clarification about the photograph of Claude Erskine-Brown outside the sex club]

Horace Rumpole: Mr Machin, I told you that it was a legal rule that a British barrister is in duty bound to take on any client, however repellent.

Morry Machin: I do remember you saying something of the sort.

Horace Rumpole: But you are stretching my duty to the furthest limit of human endurance.

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[Rumpole is cross-examining Amelia Nettleship in court]

Horace Rumpole: May I read a short extract from a so-called historical novel entitled "Lord Stingo's Fancy".

Judge Teasdale: Ah yes, isn't that the one that ends happily?

Horace Rumpole: Happily *all* Miss Nettleship's novels end, my Lord - eventually.

[laughter from the jury]

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[Claude Erskine-Brown and Ted Sleaman meet for the first time in years]

Claude Erskine-Brown: "Slimey" Sleaman?

Ted Sleaman: "Collywobbles" Erskine-Brown.

Claude Erskine-Brown: We were at school together.

Horace Rumpole: [drily] Yes, obviously.

Ted Sleaman: Look, would you care to join my editor. Glass of Bolly.

Claude Erskine-Brown: What?

Ted Sleaman: Bollinger.

Claude Erskine-Brown: Thank you Slimey, I'd love to.

Ted Sleaman: Well come on, then.

Claude Erskine-Brown: [to Erskine-Brown] Golly, Colly. Bolly.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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