Shared with you
- Jackie Harris: This is weird. I hate going to the emergency room. It reminds me of the pussy willow. Remember the pussy willow, Roseanne?
- Roseanne Conner: All I said was I wondered if it could fit up your nose. You're the one that crammed it up there.
- Dan Conner: [to Darlene] Morning. Where is everybody?
- Darlene Conner: Mom went to the supermarket and Jackie's still sleeping. The doctor gave her something to knock her out.
- Dan Conner: What about D.J.?
- Darlene Conner: I tried, but he wouldn't swallow the pill.
- Jackie Harris: It's just really humiliating, though, you know because Roseanne's always handling my problems, and now you.
- Dan Conner: It's a big job. We had to expand the department.
- Roseanne Conner: [to Fisher] If you ever come near her again, you're gonna have to deal with me and I am way more dangerous than Dan. I got a loose-meat restaurant. I know what to do with the body.
- Darlene: [while Dan is in jail] I guess I should prepare you for all the things that have changed since you've been in the big house. Mom says we have a new daddy now.
- Darlene Conner: [to Roseanne] What's going on?
- Roseanne: I'm taking Aunt Jackie to the hospital.
- Darlene Conner: Fisher hit her, didn't he?
- Roseanne: I'm not supposed to tell you that. Yeah, he did. And now I need you to do me a favor.
- Darlene Conner: Okay.
- Roseanne: Okay, we need milk.
- [hands Darlene money]
- Roseanne: And on your way, could you swing by the jail and bail out your dad?
- Darlene Conner: What?
- Darlene Conner: [grinning] Well, well, well!
- Dan Conner: [groaning] Aww, man!
- Darlene Conner: My, my, my, my, my!
- Dan Conner: What are you doing here?
- Darlene Conner: You know, I'll bet that when you imagined us in this situation, you always picture yourself on the other side of those bars.
- Jackie Harris: This is weird. I hate going to the emergency room. It reminds me of the pussy willow. Remember the pussy willow, Roseanne?
- Roseanne Conner: All I said was I wondered if it could fit up your nose. You're the one that crammed it up there.
- Fisher: [When Roseanne's carrying a TV out of Fisher's place] Um, that's mine.
- Roseanne Conner: [drops the TV on the ground] God! I just hate myself for that!
- Roseanne: Jackie, we can get more boxes. I will whore myself at every grocery store in town if that's what it takes.
- Roseanne Conner: [to Fisher] You know, I consider myself a pretty good judge of people and that's why I don't like none of 'em.
- Roseanne: [to Fisher] If you think for one second that you hurting my sister doesn't have everything to do with me, Dan must have hit you harder than I thought.
- Roseanne: [to Jackie] I left a message on your scum-sucking ex-boyfriend's machine that he better not bring his bony ass over to that apartment while we're moving you out or else i'm gonna bash his skull in. Only I said it mean.
- Chuck Mitchell: [to Dan] So what's the story, man? I heard you took out three guys in a bowling alley?
- Crystal Anderson-Conner: I thought it was a poker game.
- Roseanne Conner: Well Dan, according to the people at Buy-and-Bag, you went on a drunken rampage, beat up six guys and took out a pay phone.
- Jackie Harris: You are an amazing and wonderful person, Roseanne. I wish we could all be like you. I wish we could all be a happily married couple who each weighs 500 pounds!
- Roseanne Conner: [helping Jackie pack, picks up a stereo] Have you got a cord for this?
- Jackie Harris: That's not mine. That's Fisher's.
- Roseanne Conner: [drops the stereo] Whoops.
- [picks up a vase]
- Roseanne Conner: Hey, what about this? Is this yours?
- Jackie Harris: That's mine!
- Roseanne Conner: Damn.
- Roseanne: [to Jackie] God, you are the most gutless, pathetic thing i've ever seen.
- Jackie Harris: I know you're just saying that 'cause you're worried about me.
- Roseanne: [to Jackie] You can't have a decent relationship because you're still looking for the same kind of relationship that we had as kids with Dad.
- Jackie Harris: What about you? You grew up in the same house.
- Roseanne: Hey, I didn't say I was healthy.
- Darlene Conner: Dad, the paper's on the phone. They need a picture to run with the article. Should I send the one of you dressed as Baby New Year's or do you just want them to use your mug shot?