Roseanne Conner: What elk horn do I have to blow on to get something to eat around here?
Roseanne Conner: [as a Pilgrim] Earth is a woman? That's nothing but heathen talk... I'll tell you how everything works, God is in heaven, on a throne, so He can damn everything.
Roseanne Conner: [as a Pilgrim] I wish I could stay here and learn more from you.
Indian woman: So pick up my cassettes in the lobby.
Man: You gotta admit them Pilgrims was pretty brave, they came over here and discovered America.
Mr. Hill - DJ's Teacher: How could they discover America if my people had already lived here? That's like me going outside and discovering someone else's Porsche.
Roseanne Conner: Yeah, that's like that time my husband shimmied up the telephone pole and discovered cable.
Roseanne Conner: I will never laugh at F-Troop again, no matter how funny that Larry Storch is.
Mr. Hill - DJ's Teacher: Don't get me started on F-Troop, I mean I never saw an Indian person go woo-woo-woo! And I've seen a lot of drunk rednecks do it.
Mr. Hill - DJ's Teacher: The Pilgrims came here because of a religious conflict, and it's still a religious conflict. Catholics are upset with my people because we stole their most sacred ceremony, bingo.
Mr. Hill - DJ's Teacher: Let me tell you about the real Thanksgiving, this is what happened. You see, a long time ago when my people met the Pilgrims, they called themselves saints. English people sure love to give themselves titles.
Mr. Hill - DJ's Teacher: It's true the Pilgrims were starving and we fed them, we also taught them how to grow corn and how to survive. And we could've taught them so much more, but they stopped listening, because what we had to say didn't go along with how they thought men and women should be.
Indian woman: Daughter, sit, I have much to tell you. Heaven and Earth are the same, man exists with woman, he's part of woman. Woman gives life to man.
Roseanne Conner: I cannot understand what you're talking about.
Indian woman: Well you should understand, you're a woman. Women give life, like the Earth does.
Roseanne Conner: You thought all this up sitting in your hut?
Indian woman: Well I get out some, the occasional walk you know.
Woman: [complaining about the way the Pilgrims and Indians were depicted in the play] It just so happens my great great, great grandmother was an authentic...
Mr. Hill - DJ's Teacher: Cherokee princess, I'm sorry but there's no such thing as princesses among Native people.
Roseanne Conner: [to woman] You're so busted and your roots are brown.
D.J. Conner, Pilgrim, Indian: The three sisters are corn, squash, and beans.
Mr. Hill (DJ's Teacher): And?
D.J. Conner, Pilgrim, Indian: And, the Indians knew that by planting all three together they would grow taller.
Mr. Hill (DJ's Teacher): And?
D.J. Conner, Pilgrim, Indian: And... I hate having my teacher here on Thanksgiving.
Dan Conner: [to Mr. Hill and his family] I know it's kind of late, but on behalf of the Pilgrims, thanks for feeding us.
Woman: I am just sorry I let my son be in this play. I don't want my tax dollars going towards this kind of violence!
Roseanne Conner: The play was violent because that's the way it was, or don't you rent videos?