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"Roseanne" The Driver's Seat (TV Episode 1993) Poster

(TV Series)

(1993)

Quotes

[first lines]

Leon Carp: I don't smell the co-mingled scents of sweat and Jean Naté. Can I assume that Roseanne's not in today?

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Leon Carp: [to Nancy] I need someone with impeccable taste, and I can tell by that paw-print jumpsuit of yours, that you're my woman.

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Dan Conner: [about the dishes] Hey. Sorry those weren't done.

Roseanne Conner: That's okay, Dan. I know there wasn't time to do the dishes *and* fall asleep in a puddle of drool.

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Roseanne Conner: [about Leon at the diner] You know, he thinks he's so nifty because he turned Jackie and Nancy against me. You know, well, I broke 'em; anyone can ride 'em.

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Cop #1: [Roseanne's stolen car was recovered by the police] Well, there is some good news. We were patrolling around the vicinity and found a witness who saw the guy. He decribed him as a juvenile, Caucasian, dark hair, dark eyes, resembling "Eddie Munster".

D.J. Conner: [everyone turns at once and looks at D.J] I gotta get off the phone now.

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D.J. Conner: [shouts to the Cops, after Dan and Roseanne figure out that D.J. is the one who stole the car] Don't leave me alone with them!

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Jackie Harris: [upset that Roseanne spanked D.J., because her Dad used to beat her and Roseanne] That has *everything* to do with it! These patterns repeat!

Dan Conner: Well then you'd better look out, because my father used to *love* to hit his sister-in-law!

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Leon Carp: [Dan wants to talk about Roseanne] No. No, I don't think so.

Dan Conner: Why not? What's the matter?

Leon Carp: Well, you're a rather large man, Dan, and if we discuss your wife, I could either say nice things, or I could be honest, and get my arms torn off.

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Dan Conner: I know Roseanne can be a little difficult... oh hell, she idles at difficult.

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Leon Carp: [Leon offers Dan a check to buy Roseanne out and get rid of her] See! I knew it! I knew it, you are gonna hurt me!

Dan Conner: Worse. For weeks I've been telling her that she's just paranoid about you, but I'm through defending you. From now on, you fight you're battles on your own... against Roseanne.

[long pause]

Dan Conner: May God have mercy on your soul.

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[after Roseanne spanks DJ]

Dan Conner: Look, Roseanne, what you just did in there, it's not that big a deal.

Jackie Harris: Yes, it is. You're not helping, Dan. Look, I know what you feel like. You have gotta talk about this.

Dan Conner: Hey, she doesn't need you making something out of nothing.

Jackie Harris: You didn't grow up in our house.

Dan Conner: This is different! The kid had it coming. He could've killed himself!

Jackie Harris: She was out of control. It was just like Dad!

Roseanne Conner: Why don't you both just SHUT UP and leave me alone!

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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