Becky: [about school] I'm not going. You'll have to get yourself to detention today.
Darlene Conner: You're cutting school? But you like high school, Becky. Remember? You're a geek.
Darlene Conner: [to Becky about Mark] Wait a minute. You mean he had a chance to get out of this hole and he's not? God, he just made "King of the Idiot Boys."
Dan: [cheerfully] Well, you know it just feels like one of those days that starts off with a hearty breakfast and ends with some guy on the news saying, "before he turned the gun on himself".
Becky: [to Dan and Roseanne] You know, you act like you're the only ones with problems around here.
Dan: Boy! You are the most selfish piece of work I have ever seen in my life! Do you have any idea what we're going through?
Becky: Do you have any idea what I'm going through? Today may be the last day I'll ever see Mark again, okay?
Dan: What are you talking about?
Becky: He got a job offer in Minneapolis and I'm telling him to take it and it's all 'cause of you.
Dan: Excuse me?
Becky: If you knew how to run a business, he'd still have a job and he wouldn't be leaving. Now I don't have Mark, I don't have college, I don't have anything! You blew it, Dad! You blew it for everyone in this family!
Roseanne Conner: Becky, you shut up!
Becky: Come on, Mother! You know it! Everybody knows it. I'm the only one with the guts to say it.
[storms out of the house]
Roseanne Conner: [after Becky has left the house] That is not true, Dan. I would have the guts to say it.
Roseanne Conner: [to Dan] So how'd it go at the bank?
Dan: Well, we chatted about the recession for a while, don't you know. Then I gave him my "things are bound to be better after the election" speech. Then they said, "You're four months behind on your first mortgage, three months behind on your second. We want our money by Friday. And here, Have a calendar."
[shows Roseanne the calendar]
Dan: Look. Kittens in a basket.
Dan: [to Becky and Darlene] Your mother and I have decided to close the bike shop. We're having a "going out of business" sale and then locking the doors on Friday.
Roseanne Conner: And I don't have a job, so that means no income.
Roseanne Conner: How'd we do?
Becky: What's gonna happen to Mark?
Dan: He's a good mechanic. He'll find something.
Becky: You are gonna help him find another job, aren't you?
Dan: I don't have a job and your mother doesn't have a job, but we'll make Mark our first priority.
Roseanne Conner: [to Becky] You know, Beck, I don't know why, but I thought maybe the first words out of your mouth might be, "Sorry you lost your business, Dad. We know how much it meant to you."
Darlene Conner: I guess it's gonna sound a lot less sincere now when I say it.
Roseanne Conner: [to Darlene] So do you have anything that you want to say?
Darlene Conner: Can I have a pony?
Mark Healy: [to Becky] I did get one job offer.
Becky: You're kidding. Where?
Mark Healy: Rick called me today from Minneapolis.
Mark Healy: Well, there's an opening where he works. The job's mine if I want it.
Becky: Well, do you want it?
Mark Healy: Well, it pays three times what I made working for your dad. They'd let me join the union, I'd be set.
Becky: Why are you telling me this now? We've been together all afternoon.
Mark Healy: I don't know. I guess I just didn't know how to tell you.
Becky: You knew how to tell me. You just wanted to get me in bed one last time before you dumped me.
Mark Healy: What are you talking about?
Becky: You just didn't want me mad at you.
Mark Healy: You're always mad at me and that's never stopped us before.
Becky: [to Mark] What do you call moving to Minneapolis?
Mark Healy: It doesn't mean we have to break up.
Becky: Yeah, well, think about it. I mean, you're gonna out there, partying with your friends, you're gonna meet somebody else. And I'm gonna be stuck down here spending my nights watching "Bonanza" with Dan and Roseanne! No way!
Darlene Conner: [to Becky] What's wrong with you?
Becky: Nothing. I'm just tired.
Darlene Conner: No wonder. You were tossing and turning all night.
Becky: What, do you watch me while I sleep?
Darlene Conner: Yes, Becky. You fascinate me. You know, sometimes the drool on your pillow, it isn't always yours.
Jackie Harris: [to Roseanne as they look in the newspaper for jobs] I can't believe we didn't find anything. I mean, eleven people with perfectly good jobs died last week.
Jackie Harris: [while reading the newspaper] Roseanne, there's a printing company moving into the old Wellman plant.
Roseanne Conner: So?
Jackie Harris: So, listen to this.
[reads from the newspaper]
Jackie Harris: "No experience required. No references needed. No training necessary."
Roseanne Conner: Wow! Hurray at last! A crappy job!