Arnie Thomas: [running from Roseanne] Call her off, Dan! Call her off!
Dan: You gotta appreciate my situation here, Arn. She's my wife. I gotta let her hurt ya.
Arnie Thomas: [to Roseanne] All right, I was a weasel to snake out on Nancy like that, but that marriage thing was harder than I thought, you know? One morning I woke up and I couldn't breathe. There was this heavy weight on my chest. It was Nancy. She was trying to kill me. So I got the hell out of there.
Roseanne: You can't just go over there, Arnie, a lot of things have changed in this town since you were here last.
Arnie Thomas: Like what?
Roseanne: Like, Nancy's a lesbian, and we got a new Lens Crafter.
Roseanne: He just looked like a regular lunatic, you know.
Dan: Could you be more specific?
Roseanne: Yeah, okay. He looks like the kind of guy Darlene's gonna bring home, and we're gonna have to call "Son".
Dan: Would you consider getting a gun for the diner?
Roseanne: Oh, there's a great idea. A loaded gun in the same room with my mother and my sister. What if they miss each other, and they kill a customer?
Nancy Bartlett: So, Arnie came by my apartment last night. He thinks he can win me back like I'm some big lesbian trophy.
Jackie: [In the diner, kidding around about Dan] Is this creep giving you trouble, Roseanne?
Roseanne: Yes. He keeps insisting he's my husband, and he won't leave!
Dan: Damn it, Roseanne! You're not going to know some maniac's special tickle spot!