Roseanne: [Becky and Darlene are sniping at one another] Okay, so that's enough. Now, we have a wonderful, loving family, and you two little bitches are not going to ruin it. You're gonna be loving, caring sisters, just like me and Jackie.
Darlene: [to Becky] I'll sleep with every guy in town and you can gain 400 pounds.
Becky: Nice hair.
Darlene: Nice life.
Becky: Go to hell.
Darlene: Go to the mall.
Dan Conner: [to D.J] Eating cardboard can ruin your life. You could end up in the street, living in a box. Then you'll eat the box, and you'll be homeless.
Roseanne: [Darlene and Becky pretend to get along] Knock it off you two, Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie are more convincing.
D.J. Conner: [Dan tells D.J. to quit hanging around Jackie's so much] Doesn't Aunt Jackie like me anymore?
Dan Conner: Of course she does, it's just that sometimes, some adults like your aunt Jackie... we just miss you around here! What do you want to go over there all the time for anyway?
D.J. Conner: I have to.
Dan Conner: What do you mean you have to?
D.J. Conner: Well, Darlene and Becky are sisters, and Mom and Aunt Jackie are sisters, and David and Mark are brothers, Mom's new baby's going to be a girl, so I'm going to be the only chance of a brother Andy will have.
Jackie Harris: [explaining to Darlene why she's crying] I was in the back room chopping up onions and I started thinking about all the people who don't have any onions!