Becky: [drunk] This is my sister, Lardene. Larlene... Dardene.
Darlene Conner: [tastes Becky's drink, spits it out]
- Gah this stuff tastes like sock sweat!
Darlene Conner: Well, you're not gonna do this again, are you?
Becky: [annoyed] Look, I'll do...
[groans from a headache]
Becky: I'll do whatever I feel like doing, you little brat. Now beat it.
Darlene Conner: Okay, okay. Maybe when I come back up, I'll bring you a little breakfast.
Darlene Conner: And maybe a sausage or two so you can bite down on one of those little hard chunks.
[Becky trembles in sickness]
Darlene Conner: And maybe a poached egg slightly undercooked...
[Becky dashes out of bed into the bathroom]
Darlene Conner: ...with that white runny stuff that you can never quite keep on the spoon.
[Becky pukes as Darlene slurps]
Darlene Conner: Yes!
Karen Hudson: [after coming in] I'll only take a couple minutes of your time.
Roseanne Conner: Sure.
Karen Hudson: You know, it's hard enough trying to keep an eye on my kid being by myself here. I kind of have to count on other parents to help out once in a while. Do you know what I mean?
Roseanne Conner: Well, no, not really.
Karen Hudson: [furiously] I think it's really crappy that I let my kid come over here and you guys just leave them alone in the house the whole damn day with an open liquor cabinet!
Roseanne Conner: What are you talking about?
Karen Hudson: My kid came home completely bombed yesterday, and she was throwing up half the night!
Roseanne Conner: Are you saying that my kid got your kid drunk?
Karen Hudson: That's exactly what I'm saying.
Dan Conner: Alright, Becky, what happened?
Roseanne Conner: And try telling the truth this time!
Becky: Look, it was no big deal; we had a couple of tornadoes.
Roseanne Conner: Oh, it was no big deal, huh? How come you lied?
Dan Conner: Who made them?
Becky: I made them.
Roseanne Conner: I want to know right now. Is this a new thing or a regular thing?
Becky: I've never done it before.
Roseanne Conner: Is that the truth?
Becky: [annoyed] Yes! What is the problem? You guys drink all the time!
Dan Conner: First of all, we don't drink all the time. SECOND OF ALL, WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT US!
Becky: Look, I have one drink and you guys act like I'm an alcoholic! Oh, quick, I'll call the 800 number!
Roseanne Conner: We ARE your 800 number, Becky. And if you got a problem, you better tell us about it right now.
Becky: We were bored; we were looking for something to do.
Dan Conner: You want something to do? FIND ME! I'll give you something to do!
Becky: I guess I just wasn't thinking.
Roseanne Conner: For God's sake, Becky, you're 14 years old!
Becky: Mom, everything I do - everything I feel, it's always, 'well, she's 14'. I mean, when you guys do something, people don't go, 'Oh, well she's 37'.
Roseanne Conner: [after a pause] 36 and a half.
Dan Conner: You know, Becky, you got to find that when people drink, they mostly do it for the wrong reasons.
Becky: [sarcastically] So, what are the right reasons?
Dan Conner: Honey?
Roseanne Conner: You're grounded!
Roseanne Conner: [after finding out Becky is drunk, to Darlene] What the hell went on here? Did you get in the liquor when you were playing the records?
Becky: [as Darlene hesitates, solemnly] I was playing the records.
Dan Conner: Wait a minute... Darlene, I thought you said YOU were playing the records.
Darlene Conner: Well, yeah. I mean... I got them out, but Becky was actually playing them.
Karen Hudson: Who was the bartender?
Darlene Conner: [to Becky] Wasn't it that girl who was over here studying with you?
[Karen glares at Darlene who smiles]
Roseanne Conner: [to Becky] Dana was throwing up all night and you look like you've been reincarnated as a rag.
Roseanne Conner: You know I'm not so upset you got drunk, you tried it, you got sick, you got caught; it's that I can't trust you anymore and I always thought I could.
Becky: You can still trust me.
Roseanne Conner: Yeah well we'll find out because I'm going to watch you for a LONG time, and then someday MAYBE things can get back to the way they were.