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"Roseanne" One for the Road (TV Episode 1990) Poster

(TV Series)

(1990)

Quotes

Becky: [Becky is having a hangover] I think I'm going to die.

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Becky: [drunk] This is my sister, Lardene. Larlene... Dardene.

[giggles]

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Becky: [drunk] We don't have a bathroom, we have a wok.

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Darlene Conner: I'm gonna go upstairs and flush the wok.

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Darlene: You have a *big* mouth.

Roseanne: No I don't.

Roseanne: [shouts up the stairs] *Becky*!

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Darlene Conner: [tastes Becky's drink, spits it out]

  • Gah this stuff tastes like sock sweat!


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Darlene Conner: Well, you're not gonna do this again, are you?

Becky: [annoyed] Look, I'll do...

[groans from a headache]

Becky: I'll do whatever I feel like doing, you little brat. Now beat it.

Darlene Conner: Okay, okay. Maybe when I come back up, I'll bring you a little breakfast.

[becky groans]

Darlene Conner: And maybe a sausage or two so you can bite down on one of those little hard chunks.

[Becky trembles in sickness]

Darlene Conner: And maybe a poached egg slightly undercooked...

[Becky dashes out of bed into the bathroom]

Darlene Conner: ...with that white runny stuff that you can never quite keep on the spoon.

[Becky pukes as Darlene slurps]

Darlene Conner: Yes!

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Karen Hudson: [after coming in] I'll only take a couple minutes of your time.

Roseanne Conner: Sure.

Karen Hudson: You know, it's hard enough trying to keep an eye on my kid being by myself here. I kind of have to count on other parents to help out once in a while. Do you know what I mean?

Roseanne Conner: Well, no, not really.

Karen Hudson: [furiously] I think it's really crappy that I let my kid come over here and you guys just leave them alone in the house the whole damn day with an open liquor cabinet!

Roseanne Conner: What are you talking about?

Karen Hudson: My kid came home completely bombed yesterday, and she was throwing up half the night!

Roseanne Conner: Are you saying that my kid got your kid drunk?

Karen Hudson: That's exactly what I'm saying.

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Dan Conner: Alright, Becky, what happened?

Roseanne Conner: And try telling the truth this time!

Becky: Look, it was no big deal; we had a couple of tornadoes.

Roseanne Conner: Oh, it was no big deal, huh? How come you lied?

Dan Conner: Who made them?

Becky: I made them.

Roseanne Conner: I want to know right now. Is this a new thing or a regular thing?

Becky: I've never done it before.

Roseanne Conner: Is that the truth?

Becky: [annoyed] Yes! What is the problem? You guys drink all the time!

Dan Conner: First of all, we don't drink all the time. SECOND OF ALL, WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT US!

Becky: Look, I have one drink and you guys act like I'm an alcoholic! Oh, quick, I'll call the 800 number!

Roseanne Conner: We ARE your 800 number, Becky. And if you got a problem, you better tell us about it right now.

Becky: We were bored; we were looking for something to do.

Dan Conner: You want something to do? FIND ME! I'll give you something to do!

Becky: I guess I just wasn't thinking.

Roseanne Conner: For God's sake, Becky, you're 14 years old!

Becky: Mom, everything I do - everything I feel, it's always, 'well, she's 14'. I mean, when you guys do something, people don't go, 'Oh, well she's 37'.

Roseanne Conner: [after a pause] 36 and a half.

Becky: Whatever...

Dan Conner: You know, Becky, you got to find that when people drink, they mostly do it for the wrong reasons.

Becky: [sarcastically] So, what are the right reasons?

Dan Conner: Honey?

Roseanne Conner: You're grounded!

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Roseanne Conner: [after finding out Becky is drunk, to Darlene] What the hell went on here? Did you get in the liquor when you were playing the records?

Becky: [as Darlene hesitates, solemnly] I was playing the records.

Dan Conner: Wait a minute... Darlene, I thought you said YOU were playing the records.

Darlene Conner: Well, yeah. I mean... I got them out, but Becky was actually playing them.

Karen Hudson: Who was the bartender?

Darlene Conner: [to Becky] Wasn't it that girl who was over here studying with you?

[Karen glares at Darlene who smiles]

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Roseanne Conner: [to Becky] Dana was throwing up all night and you look like you've been reincarnated as a rag.

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Roseanne Conner: You know I'm not so upset you got drunk, you tried it, you got sick, you got caught; it's that I can't trust you anymore and I always thought I could.

Becky: You can still trust me.

Roseanne Conner: Yeah well we'll find out because I'm going to watch you for a LONG time, and then someday MAYBE things can get back to the way they were.

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Dana Hudson: [fans herself with a record while drunk] Have you ever heard of Alpert Herbert? He's from Tijuana.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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