- Dan Conner: How about wrestling? You know, the old man was almost the state champ back in high school.
- D.J. Conner: Were you ever in a cage match?
- Dan Conner: Only with your mom.
- Dan Conner: What happened to the friends you made playing soccer last year?
- D.J. Conner: They wanted to shave my head and paint it black and white.
- Darlene Conner: D.J.'s going to play hockey? He can't even walk on land.
- Roseanne Conner: Oh Darlene, try to be a little more positive about it. Think about all the cute things we'll be able to write on his cast.
- Roseanne Conner: Yeah, you're right. Hockey could be his sport. He's used to being chased by people with sticks.
- Dan Conner: How about weight training?
- D.J. Conner: What's that?
- Dan Conner: That's where you lift weights.
- D.J. Conner: Then what?
- Dan Conner: Then you, you put 'em back down again.
- Jackie Harris: I had my first real date when I was 15. That's 22 years of dating. You'd think that in 22 years, Mr. Right would have shown up.
- Roseanne Conner: Well, he probably did, but you were out on a date with some reject.
- D.J. Conner: Mom, I'm gonna be a professional hockey player.
- Roseanne Conner: Great. We'll save all that money on toothpaste.