Joe Matthews: Roseanne, your appearance on the show this morning, it was - fantastic! I mean, your whole "opinionated, blue-collar outlook" people just loved it!
Roseanne: Oh! See Dan! All these years, everybody thought I was a "bitch", but what I *had* - was an "opinionated, blue-collar outlook".
Darlene Conner: [about Darlene's Grandma Bev, who wants to plan the wedding] All these wedding plans she's roped you in to, you got to tell her, "No"!
David Healy: Uh, I can't just say, "No!".
Darlene Conner: Well, can you say, "Ow! Quit it Darlene!"?
Cindy Kenner: [chiperly] Hi, I'm Cindy.
Roseanne: [shakes her hand] Hi, I'm Roseanne.
Cindy Kenner: Say, could I possibly get a little bit of Pellegreno?
Roseanne: You could, if I knew what the hell that was.
Cindy Kenner: [chuckles with a condescending attitude] Sorry, I forgot where I was.
Roseanne: You were inbetween asking me for a drink, and getting punched in the face.
[Cindy Lenner's interview session with Leon in the diner]
Cindy Kenner: [recording] Today we've come to the litte town of Lanford, to ask some local resaurant people the question that's on everyone's lips this election year: 'Is beef back?'.
Roseanne: [on the sideline, to Jackie] Does she have to think up all these questions every single day? When does she find time to not eat?
Leon Carp: [looking terrified] Is beef back? Here at the Lunchbox, located on route 9, just half a mile south of Hanging-Back Caverns, we serve beef, to our customers... So beef is good... And - and remember: Le-on recommends le-en.
Cindy Kenner: [embarrassed, Leon covers his face and runs off-camera] Okay!
[Cindy Lenner's interview session with Jackie in the diner]
Cindy Kenner: So is beef back?
Jackie Harris: Um, well, I - I - I'm going to have to agree with Leon that, ah, low-fat is the way to go. But today, there are leaner cuts of beef so who knows. Uh, maybe, someday beef won't have any fat at all. Because, um, the future is now, and who knows what that's going to bring. Maybe, maybe we won't even have beef, or cows, or cars, or we just, you know, we'll just wear those jet-pack things, and we'll just fly all over everywhere we want to go. And we'll eat food made out of, oh, I don't know, just old newspapers and air... Oh to be young again!
Cindy Kenner: [sliding away from Jackie] Okay!
Jackie Harris: Hi Andy! Mommy's on TV!
Cindy Kenner: [interview with Roseanne] Hi. Is beef back?
Roseanne: Well, I just want to say that the only thing I don't like about fat is that it doesn't have any sugar in it.
Cindy Kenner: Okay! But, um, doesn't a fatty diet, I mean, won't it make you fat?
Roseanne: So... A lot of people are fat, you know. In fact, I think more American women look like me than you, you know. Yeah, but when you watch TV, there's like no fat people on there or anything, like, when I watch that show "Friends", you know, that has all those whiny girls that are nothing but hair and bones, you know, and like, I watch them and they're like drinking those triple expressos and stuff and I'm just like "Hey! Go for the muffins!"
Roseanne: [Cindy tries to pull the microphone away from Roseanne] It kinda bugs me, you know, because uh, you know, I feel like, hey, I - I eat the same amount of food that they eat, I just don't puke when I'm done.