Jackie and Roseanne plan an expensive spa vacation. Depressed about his mother, Dan searches for the meaning of life. He decides that now that he can afford it, he wants to take her to California for a thorough evaluation of her psychiatric condition. The crowned Prince of Muldavia sees Jackie on TV and decides he must go to Landford to meet her. Written by
Lynne Boris Johnston
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*I* am going to get my pores shrunk down to nothing, Jackie. I'm gonna get pounded and beaten to a pulp by some hidious old Korean masseuse. I'm gonna get my chakras opened, my kundalini's awakened; I'm gonna do Jappa on my Malla, then I'm gonna find my channels, merridians, and my "G" spots, and after that, look here, I'm getting one of them colonic irrigations 'cause you can loose sixty pounds per time.
Well, *I* am gonna get waxed and wrapped and buffed and filed and soaked and steamed and ...