- D.J.: [returning from a party] I'm home!
- Dan: [on the couch with Roseanne] Hey, Deej, come here and tell us all about the party.
- D.J.: Thanks for making me go. It was great.
- Roseanne: Yeah? Come here and sit down. Tell us about all the kind of games and fun things you guys did.
- D.J.: [sitting down between them on the couch] I touched a boob.
- [stunned silence]
- Dan: Say what?
- D.J.: We played this game, Seven Minutes in Heaven. And I had to go in the closet with Sheila Frye. And we just stood there doing nothing for, like, six minutes.
- Dan: What happened in that last minute, son?
- D.J.: I told you. I touched a boob. She's my girlfriend now. She's coming over for dinner tomorrow night. She likes corn.
- [goes upstairs]
- Dan: [Roseanne covers her face with her hands, country accent] Wheeeeewwww doggies, I'm gonna have to have a long talk with that boy.
- David Healy: You can't tell Darlene what to do. She's a big girl!
- Roseanne: [snarls] Compared to who?
- Roseanne: [to David, who doesn't want Darlene to leave home] Yeah, but you know what they say, David. They say, ah, when you really love something you should, you know, make it go away or get rid of it, or whatever.
- Roseanne Conner: [about Darlene's fears she'll suck at college] So you get out there and find out you suck, but you'll be the first Conner to suck *in* college. And you can always come back home, we're not going anywhere, we ain't been anywhere for 20 years.