Dan Conner: I put it away twenty years ago when we quit.
Roseanne Conner: We quit? I just thought we were out.
Jackie: Look at me, I've got nothin'. No boyfriend, no meaningful job, no husband, no family. It's just me. It's just me and my ganja.
D.J. Conner: Mom, can Billy sleep over here tonight?
Roseanne Conner: No! He's rude, and I don't like his parents.
D.J. Conner: Well then, can I sleep over there?
Roseanne Conner: Yeah, sure.
D.J. Conner: I forgot my sleeping bag! Where is it?
Roseanne Conner: Oh, you know it's behind the house, past the yard in that building where your father always is with the tools and the car!
D.J. Conner: Thanks, Mom!
Roseanne Conner: Oh my God. I'm, like, the worst mother on the face of the Earth.
Dan Conner: No, you're not.
Roseanne Conner: Yes I am, Dan. I don't even know where I sent my kid. Say he falls down or something and breaks one of his organs and he needs a transplant, but I can't give him any of my organs because they're all full of pot!
Dan Conner: [stoned in the bathroom] Hey, you hear that?
Roseanne Conner: [laughs] You're getting paranoid, Dan. Ooh, birds birds birds!