Titus Pullo: [in a brothel] What's your price, then?
Madame: One thousand.
Titus Pullo: [swearing] I could have half the whores in Narbo for that, and their mothers!
Madame: We're not in Narbo, wherever that might be.
Titus Pullo: All right, my dove, we'll pay, but the girl better fuck him like Helen of Troy with her arse on fire, or I'll know the reason why!
[Pullo is waiting for Octavian in the lobby of the exclusive brothel]
Titus Pullo: Nice place, this. Clean.
Titus Pullo: I don't suppose, seeing as I'm with the quality...
Madame: Not a chance!
[Pullo enters the exclusive brothel]
Madame: Get out! Go on, this ain't no infantry fuckhole!
Titus Pullo: Calm down, love. It's not for me, it's the young master we're here for.
[Octavian follows him in]
Madame: Oh, my apologies. Welcome, young master, we'd be honored to serve you. And what is the young master's pleasure today?
[Octavian is silent]
Titus Pullo: [whispering] First-timer. Nothing too savory.
Lucius Vorenus: [on ship, in a storm] ... a perfectly acceptable sacrifice wsa made to Triton!
Titus Pullo: [shouting thru the storm] Well, if Triton thinks that this is fine weather, he can SUCK MY COCK!
[the mainmast of the ship breaks]
Lucius Vorenus: Pullo, when will you ever learn to keep your fucking mouth shut!
Mark Antony: Frankly, I do not care whether it is the rich, poor, or indeed both that suffer. Caesar wishes this law to be made. He is my friend, I will have it made.
Titus Pullo: You should leave her maybe. Seeing as she makes you so unhappy.
Lucius Vorenus: No! No! I will not leave her!
[slumps on the ground]
Lucius Vorenus: I would rather die than leave her.
Titus Pullo: [pulls Vorenus to his feet, holds him close] It's alright, lamb. It will be alright.
Titus Pullo: [taking Octavian to be deflowered] Not to worry, young master. There's nothing to it.
Gaius Octavian: If there's nothing to it then why is there such a fuss made of the thing?
Atia of the Julii: You've put off this moment long enough, my dear.
Gaius Octavian: Mother...
Atia of the Julii: You *will* penetrate someone today, or I will burn your wretched books at the yard.
[Vorenus is discussing his marital problems with Pullo]
Lucius Vorenus: I thought it was going well for a while, but now...
[he takes a sip from his drink]
Lucius Vorenus: Maybe I *should* beat her, do you think?
Titus Pullo: Oh, I don't know. That only works if you keep at it.
[Both men laugh]
Titus Pullo: A good thrashing once or twice a day till they're docile. But then they don't look so good. It'd be a shame to mark up a beauty like that.
[Pullo and Octavian are in a brothel selecting a prostitute for Octavian]
Madame: [Showing an African prostitute] Something exotic, perhaps?
[Octavian keeps silent]
Madame: [Showing a thin prostitute] Or else something young? Light, simple?
Titus Pullo: A little bit skinny, innit? Won't know he's been, will he?
Atia of the Julii: I've been thinking. We should get married.
Mark Antony: Married? Why should we want to do that of all things?
Atia of the Julii: Perhaps I love you.
Mark Antony: Ah. You're joking. For a moment there, you had me worried.
Atia of the Julii: Allied with my house you would have both coin and the nobility to make yourself king, if you wished it so.
Mark Antony: And you would be queen.
Atia of the Julii: I would be your loving and obedient wife.
Mark Antony: Only if I were willing to desert a friend. A man of your own blood.
Atia of the Julii: Too honorable for that, are you?
Mark Antony: I like to appear so.
Atia of the Julii: But I don't think you'd die for the sake of appearences.
Mark Antony: Why not?
Atia of the Julii: Well Caesar will die in any case, but you're far too clever to share his fate needlessly.
Mark Antony: I had not realised until now... what a wicked old harpy you really are.
Mark Antony: I shall be a good politician, even if it kills me. Or if it kills anyone else for that matter.
Mark Antony: Poppaea, my dove, if your husband should die... come to me, we'll marry, nay?
Lucius Vorenus: Pullo, awake.
[Pullo doesn't move]
Lucius Vorenus: Wake up! Mark Antony's waiting.
Titus Pullo: [still mostly asleep] Mump off and die, ya pigfucker...
Titus Pullo: So, keeping their promises, innit?
Lucius Vorenus: What?
Titus Pullo: Caesar and Mark Antony, doing right by the people. That was your worry, wasn't it? That Caesar'd turn out to be just another tyrant sort? But here's him and Mark Antony getting jobs for the unemployed. You can't complain about that, now, can you?
Lucius Vorenus: He negotiates with a whore and a dwarf at his side. Do you think Cincinnatus or Marius or even the Gracchi would demean themselves so?
Titus Pullo: Who? Mark Antony has his odd ways, there's no denying that.
[they stop and salute some passing soldiers; Vorenus pauses for a moment]
Lucius Vorenus: I'm not going home. I need a drink.
Titus Pullo: Drink? You?
Lucius Vorenus: I! Drink! What of it?
[he storms off down the street]
Titus Pullo: I'll not argue.