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"Rome" Caesarion (TV Episode 2005) Poster

(TV Series)

(2005)

Quotes

Titus Pullo: [about Princess Cleopatra] That Gyppo princess, now that's good cunny.

Lucius Vorenus: Her father's people rode with Alexander, you can't speak of her like that.

Titus Pullo: She is, though. And she wants me badly.

[Vorenus laughs]

Titus Pullo: Should've seen her when I done that Nubian. Wet as October

[sniggers]

Lucius Vorenus: Pullo, look at me. She is a princess of royal blood. You touch her, you die.

Titus Pullo: I'm not stupid. I'm just saying she wants me.

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Marcus Tullius Cicero: You should have no ill conscience. We did only what we had to do.

Marcus Junius Brutus: No doubt Saturn said something of the sort after eating his children.

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[while searching for Cleopatra in the desert]

Titus Pullo: Blood and fire! It's as hot as Vulcan's dick! What a dump. Gyppo gods must be right wasters to make a place like this.

Lucius Vorenus: Don't speak ill of the gods in their own country.

Titus Pullo: Gerrae. I've seen their gods. Titus Pullo isn't scared of any bastard with a dog's head on him.

Lucius Vorenus: More fool you. These gods are old and powerful. Egypt was a great nation long before Rome.

Titus Pullo: Was it? Mumped it up now, then, haven't they?

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[Vorenus is commanded to see Cleopatra]

Charmian: Majesty commands you will enter her.

Lucius Vorenus: I do not understand.

Charmian: You have coitus with her.

Lucius Vorenus: [Aghast] You have it wrong. Coitus means to make babies!

Charmian: Exact! So, make babies.

[Cleopatra spreads her legs in anticipation]

Charmian: Don't be scared.

[the female slave starts to undress him]

Lucius Vorenus: I'm not scared. I just cannot do what you ask. It is not... it is not in our custom. Roman men are not used by women in this way.

Charmian: Come. You will enjoy it. My queen is an excellent lover.

[Cleopatra starts touching Vorenus with her foot, going from his chest to his crotch]

Charmian: [Vorenus is in doubt. Then he mounts her, but hesitates and steps back]

Cleopatra: What is he waiting for? He must do as he is told!

Charmian: Let me give you a hand.

Lucius Vorenus: [Shakes the slaves off of him] Get off! I must ask forgiveness of Your Majesty, but I cannot comply! I am no slave to be commanded so! With all respect...

Cleopatra: He *refuses*? This... insect refuses *me*?

Charmian: You dare refuse the daughter of a sun god?

[Vorenus turns around and storms out of Cleopatra's tent towards Pullo]

Lucius Vorenus: Pullo, report immediately to Princess Cleopatra and do as she says!

Titus Pullo: Eh?

Lucius Vorenus: You heard!

Titus Pullo: What's going on?

Lucius Vorenus: Just go!

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[after Pullo has been ordered to have sex with Cleopatra]

Titus Pullo: [sighs] Gods, that was something...

Lucius Vorenus: Don't want to know! If you value your life, you won't speak of it again.

Titus Pullo: Why? I was only obeying orders. Bloody good orders, too.

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[regarding the dispute between Ptolemy and Cleopatra]

Gaius Julius Caesar: This dispute between you both must end. Rome desires Egypt to be at peace. Your grain ships must keep sailing.

Achillas: We are in absolute control of the country, from the lighthouse to the cataracts.

Gaius Julius Caesar: Good. In that case, you should have no trouble in handing over Pompey Magnus.

King Ptolemy XIII: I do NOT like his tone. He can go.

Theodotus: [to Ptolemy, attempting to defuse the situation] Master, do you remember what we spoke of before? Of crocodile and fox? Let us show him our surprise.

King Ptolemy XIII: [gleefully] Right, go on. Show him.

[Pothinus motions to a nearby slave, who brings out a covered urn]

Pothinus: We have a gift for you, Glorious Excellency, that we think you will be very pleased with.

[the slave places the urn on the table next to Casear and pulls out Pompey's severed head, placing it in a dish on the table. Casear looks at it with barely concealed sorrow]

King Ptolemy XIII: We were going to make him a body, with moving arms and legs, and do a mime show with real animals and everything...

Gaius Julius Caesar: Silence!

[Ptolemy takes a step back in shock; Caesar looks at the head sadly, then composes himself]

Gaius Julius Caesar: Shame on the house of Ptolemies for such barbarity, shame.

Pothinus: But - you are enemies!

Gaius Julius Caesar: [rising to his feet in fury] HE WAS A CONSUL OF ROME!

[Achillas and the guards reach for their swords; there is a tense pause]

Gaius Julius Caesar: [quietly] A consul of Rome. To die in this sordid way, quartered like some low thief... shame! Where is the rest of him?

Pothinus: It - uh, he has been cremated. With all proper funeral rites, of course. With all decorum.

Gaius Julius Caesar: I shall return tomorrow, at which time, you will give me the man that took Pompey's life.

[he sweeps out of the room; Posca covers the head, picks it up, and follows him out]

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[after warning Cicero, Antony starts to leave the Senate house]

Marcus Junius Brutus: Antony?

Mark Antony: Hmm?

Marcus Junius Brutus: You said you had good news for us.

Mark Antony: Oh, of course! How silly of me. A courier came from Alexandria. Caesar has lifted the siege and massacred the armies of Ptolemy. He is safe and sound, and master of all of Egypt.

[laughing]

Mark Antony: The man is a damn prodigy, eh?

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Pothinus: That is not just.

Posca: Post mortem interests of this type are legally entailed to the presiding consul, i.e. Gaius Julius Caesar. It's... law.

Pothinus: Roman law.

Gaius Julius Caesar: Is there some other form of law, you wretched woman?

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Gaius Julius Caesar: I have conquered Gaul. I have defeated Pompey Magnus. I can handle a small boy and a eunuch.

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Mark Antony: And Cicero, if I ever hear your name in connection with whispers of treachery again, I will cut off these soft, pink hands, and nail them to the Senate door.

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Mark Antony: I'm glad you are so confident; some might call it hubris

Gaius Julius Caesar: It's only hubris if I fail

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[Repeatedly stabs the Nubian; slows stabbing rate until he stops. Looks around at the two women]

Titus Pullo: [Calmly] Hello, ladies.

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Cleopatra: A man without sons is a man without a future.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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