Titus Pullo: [about Princess Cleopatra] That Gyppo princess, now that's good cunny.
Lucius Vorenus: Her father's people rode with Alexander, you can't speak of her like that.
Titus Pullo: She is, though. And she wants me badly.
Titus Pullo: Should've seen her when I done that Nubian. Wet as October
Lucius Vorenus: Pullo, look at me. She is a princess of royal blood. You touch her, you die.
Titus Pullo: I'm not stupid. I'm just saying she wants me.
[Vorenus is commanded to see Cleopatra]
Charmian: Majesty commands you will enter her.
Lucius Vorenus: I do not understand.
Charmian: You have coitus with her.
Lucius Vorenus: [Aghast] You have it wrong. Coitus means to make babies!
Charmian: Exact! So, make babies.
[Cleopatra spreads her legs in anticipation]
Charmian: Don't be scared.
[the female slave starts to undress him]
Lucius Vorenus: I'm not scared. I just cannot do what you ask. It is not... it is not in our custom. Roman men are not used by women in this way.
Charmian: Come. You will enjoy it. My queen is an excellent lover.
[Cleopatra starts touching Vorenus with her foot, going from his chest to his crotch]
Charmian: [Vorenus is in doubt. Then he mounts her, but hesitates and steps back]
Cleopatra: What is he waiting for? He must do as he is told!
Charmian: Let me give you a hand.
Lucius Vorenus: [Shakes the slaves off of him] Get off! I must ask forgiveness of Your Majesty, but I cannot comply! I am no slave to be commanded so! With all respect...
Cleopatra: He *refuses*? This... insect refuses *me*?
Charmian: You dare refuse the daughter of a sun god?
[Vorenus turns around and storms out of Cleopatra's tent towards Pullo]
Lucius Vorenus: Pullo, report immediately to Princess Cleopatra and do as she says!
Titus Pullo: Eh?
Lucius Vorenus: You heard!
Titus Pullo: What's going on?
Lucius Vorenus: Just go!
Marcus Tullius Cicero: You should have no ill conscience. We did only what we had to do.
Marcus Junius Brutus: No doubt Saturn said something of the sort after eating his children.
[while searching for Cleopatra in the desert]
Titus Pullo: Blood and fire! It's as hot as Vulcan's dick! What a dump. Gyppo gods must be right wasters to make a place like this.
Lucius Vorenus: Don't speak ill of the gods in their own country.
Titus Pullo: Gerrae. I've seen their gods. Titus Pullo isn't scared of any bastard with a dog's head on him.
Lucius Vorenus: More fool you. These gods are old and powerful. Egypt was a great nation long before Rome.
Titus Pullo: Was it? Mumped it up now, then, haven't they?
[after Pullo has been ordered to have sex with Cleopatra]
Titus Pullo: [sighs] Gods, that was something...
Lucius Vorenus: Don't want to know! If you value your life, you won't speak of it again.
Titus Pullo: Why? I was only obeying orders. Bloody good orders, too.
[regarding the dispute between Ptolemy and Cleopatra]
Gaius Julius Caesar: This dispute between you both must end. Rome desires Egypt to be at peace. Your grain ships must keep sailing.
Achillas: We are in absolute control of the country, from the lighthouse to the cataracts.
Gaius Julius Caesar: Good. In that case, you should have no trouble in handing over Pompey Magnus.
King Ptolemy XIII: I do NOT like his tone. He can go.
Theodotus: [to Ptolemy, attempting to defuse the situation] Master, do you remember what we spoke of before? Of crocodile and fox? Let us show him our surprise.
King Ptolemy XIII: [gleefully] Right, go on. Show him.
[Pothinus motions to a nearby slave, who brings out a covered urn]
Pothinus: We have a gift for you, Glorious Excellency, that we think you will be very pleased with.
[the slave places the urn on the table next to Casear and pulls out Pompey's severed head, placing it in a dish on the table. Casear looks at it with barely concealed sorrow]
King Ptolemy XIII: We were going to make him a body, with moving arms and legs, and do a mime show with real animals and everything...
Gaius Julius Caesar: Silence!
[Ptolemy takes a step back in shock; Caesar looks at the head sadly, then composes himself]
Gaius Julius Caesar: Shame on the house of Ptolemies for such barbarity, shame.
Pothinus: But - you are enemies!
Gaius Julius Caesar: [rising to his feet in fury] HE WAS A CONSUL OF ROME!
[Achillas and the guards reach for their swords; there is a tense pause]
Gaius Julius Caesar: [quietly] A consul of Rome. To die in this sordid way, quartered like some low thief... shame! Where is the rest of him?
Pothinus: It - uh, he has been cremated. With all proper funeral rites, of course. With all decorum.
Gaius Julius Caesar: I shall return tomorrow, at which time, you will give me the man that took Pompey's life.
[he sweeps out of the room; Posca covers the head, picks it up, and follows him out]
[after warning Cicero, Antony starts to leave the Senate house]
Marcus Junius Brutus: Antony?
Mark Antony: Hmm?
Marcus Junius Brutus: You said you had good news for us.
Mark Antony: Oh, of course! How silly of me. A courier came from Alexandria. Caesar has lifted the siege and massacred the armies of Ptolemy. He is safe and sound, and master of all of Egypt.
Mark Antony: The man is a damn prodigy, eh?
Pothinus: That is not just.
Posca: Post mortem interests of this type are legally entailed to the presiding consul, i.e. Gaius Julius Caesar. It's... law.
Pothinus: Roman law.
Gaius Julius Caesar: Is there some other form of law, you wretched woman?
Gaius Julius Caesar: I have conquered Gaul. I have defeated Pompey Magnus. I can handle a small boy and a eunuch.
Mark Antony: And Cicero, if I ever hear your name in connection with whispers of treachery again, I will cut off these soft, pink hands, and nail them to the Senate door.
Mark Antony: I'm glad you are so confident; some might call it hubris
Gaius Julius Caesar: It's only hubris if I fail
[Repeatedly stabs the Nubian; slows stabbing rate until he stops. Looks around at the two women]
Titus Pullo: [Calmly] Hello, ladies.