Doug Goldstein: [after dying and being reincarnated as Dougalot Bear] Holy fucking ass crackers!
Boy Scout 1: I feel sad.
Boy Scout 2: Yeah, but at least were not gay.
Huggytime Bears: [Enter Huggytime Bears] Maybe we can help!
Satan: [torturing people] HA ha ha ha ha ha ha! That will teach ya for voting for Nader! Ha ha ha!
[Hell freezes over]
Satan: Huh? What the hell?
Nerd: [singing] I got laid! I got laid! I got laid! Logging onto messenger, gonna tell the internet! LAID! LAID! LAID! LAID! LAID! L! A! Y! E! D! LAID! LAID! LAID! LAID! LAID! LAID! LAID! LAID!
Woman: What can I say? Nerds are hot! Mmmm... Hot.
Franklin D. Roosevelt: The only thing we have to dear, is fear itself!
Audience member 1: And spiders!
Franklin D. Roosevelt: ...Well yes. And spiders. That goes without saying...
Audience member 2: And snakes!
Franklin D. Roosevelt: Yes... snakes too.
Audience member 3: And don't forget werewolves!
Franklin D. Roosevelt: There is no such thing!
[Everyone starts to argue]
Franklin D. Roosevelt: Okay! So the only thigns we have to fear are spiders, snakes, WEREWOLVES, sharks, dying alone, zombies, clowns, heights, big dogs, robots with human brains, Johnson's wife, AND fear itself!
Doug Goldstein: [in purgatory] Huh? Where am I?
Buddah: You're in purgatory, Doug. Spin the wheel of reincarnation!
Doug Goldstein: [spots Keira Knightly's underwear on the wheel] Oh boy! I hope I land on Keira Knightly's underwear!
Buddah: [sigh] Everyone wishes for that one.
Doug Goldstein: [Awakes from the Huggytime Bear nightmare] NO!
Keira Knightly: Oh my gosh, I shot you!
Doug Goldstein: Keira Knightly?
Keira Knightly: Shh... Don't worry about a thing. The paramedics will be here soon.
Doug Goldstein: [chuckles] I was almost your underwear, you know.
Freddy Krueger: If Ghostface got voted out, take it from Freddy, that would be a dream come true! HAHAHAHA! You get it? HAHAHAHA! A Dream? HAHAHAHA! I kill people in their nightmares, man. That's what I do, it's my thing!
Pinhead: America did the right thing giving the call to Ghostface... Of course, I would have called my mom...
[starts to cry]
Pinhead: Today's her birthday!... I love you, Mom!
[shows Drew Barrymore at home making Popcorn. The phone starts to ring]
Drew Barrymore: [picks up the phone] Hello?
Ghostface Killer: I see you making popcorn...
Drew Barrymore: Who is this?
Ghostface Killer: I saw the Charlie's Angels sequel, THAT WAS A PIECE OF CRAP!
Drew Barrymore: I'm hanging up!