- Tommy Gavin: What, are you drinking all day now?
- Tommy's Dad: I'm 82. I'm retired, and I'm married to a new and much younger woman who's not only rich but likes to bang my brains out at least 3 times a week. So I'm not drinking kid. I'm in a perpetual toast.
- Johnny Gavin: [fighting over a woman] I got dibs.
- Tommy Gavin: Why do you got dibs?
- Johnny Gavin: Because I'm the one with the gun